Surviving a loss from suicide: You are not alone

To the Editor:

I am a survivor of suicide loss. My husband died by suicide at the age of 58, leaving behind family and friends to struggle with the grief and all those questions that begin with “Why…?”

Since that tragic day, I have learned many things that I hope will be helpful for other survivors.

First, I learned that everyone grieves differently, even within your own family. I had heard this said many times, but never truly understood it until I witnessed it.  Be patient and understanding with yourself and your loved ones.

I also learned that, while suicide is typically the result of a complicated mix of circumstances, the main ingredient is almost always an underlying mental illness. Research shows that more than 90 percent of people who die by suicide have a diagnosable (but not always recognized or treated) illness such as depression, bipolar disorder, alcohol or substance abuse, or some combination. 

Lastly, I learned that survivors can often feel as if no one really understands what they’re going through. I am here to say you are not alone.

In fact, research shows that more than 80 percent of us will lose someone we know to suicide during the course of our lifetime and more than 20 percent of us will lose a family member.

 Misinformation and the stigma that unfortunately still surrounds suicide can leave many survivors feeling guilty and ashamed, as if the suicide were somehow their fault.  Many feel misunderstood and abandoned. 

To help survivors cope, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has developed a program that creates a safe and welcoming place for survivors to come together for a day of healing, support, information, and sharing.  More than 300 International Survivors of Suicide Day events will be held all around the world on Saturday, Nov. 23, including right here.

Each event features a 90-minute film of survivors and mental-health experts sharing stories, support, information, and heartfelt advice. The film is shown at 1 p.m. and will also be available online at www.afsp.org/survivorday with an online chat immediately following the program. The film will then be saved on the site for viewing anytime and available with French, Spanish, and closed-captioning subtitles.

As a fellow survivor and volunteer with the Capital District AFSP Chapter, I would like to encourage anyone bereaved by suicide to participate in our local event.  Please visit www.afsp/CHAPTER for event details.  You may also want to visit www.afsp.org to find local support groups, helpful books, and other resources available to help you and your family in the aftermath of a suicide.

And please remember, you are not alone.

Nancy P. Marcone
Guilderland

Editor’s note: Nancy Marcone is a volunteer for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention — Capital District chapter.  Her husband took his life in 2002.  International Survivors of Suicide Day is Saturday, Nov. 23. There are more than 300 community events taking place worldwide.  For more information, visit www.afsp.org/survivorday.

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