Hilltowns Senior News for Friday, September 2, 2016

I know that advertisers have a lot of leeway in what they say, and some go over the line with their claims, but how dumb do they think we are? I was watching television (probably my first error), and a commercial came on for cat and dog food featuring “Real Ingredients!”

Excuse me?

Since an ingredient is defined as “something that enters as an element into a mixture,” or “a constituent element of anything,” then do they mean that the dog food is not imaginary? What is a “real” ingredient, anyway?

If real means genuine, and not fictitious, then the manufacturer is saying that there is actually a mixture of sincere, existing things in that bag. Did the manufacturer think that we needed to be reassured that we were not purchasing an empty bag?

If an ingredient is a component, and real means genuine, then the manufacturer is saying that we can be assured that genuine something went into that food. Like what? Old boots?  Iron filings? Sewer water?

But please notice, the company is in perfect compliance with the law; at no time did it say anything that was untrue. Nonsense, yes, but never untrue.

And while we are on the topic of absurdity, how about “natural”? We all know what is being implied: It is that gentle, honest, healthy world and lifestyle under the benevolent care of Mother Nature.

The only small problem is that Mother Nature is a lot more like “Mommy Dearest”; it is all explained in an amusing, informative, but disturbing book titled “Mother Nature is Trying to Kill You,” by Dan Riskin, Ph.D., who is the host of Animal Planet’s show, “Monsters Inside Me.”

At this point in time, if a lion lies down with a lamb, the lamb is lunch. Nature can lie, cheat, and steal with the worst of us. Some male cuttlefish go “in drag” by changing their colors so they look like females to avoid  attack by other male cuttlefish.

The Loggerhead shrike puts its kills (or parts of them) on barbed-wire fences to scare off intruders, rather like Vlad the Impaler or dark ages monarchs putting their enemy’s head on spikes. Hyenas steal kills from cheetahs, and lions steal from anybody they can.

It’s really about survival, both long- and short-term. Each creature does whatever it has to, to keep itself and its progeny alive. A new alpha male in a group is seldom nurturing. Everybody and everything gets one-upped by somebody else, from bacteria to brachiopods.

The closest thing to kindness is practiced by an unlikely candidate, the vampire bat. Bats will feed each other if one has had an unproductive night, but they expect the recipient to return the favor when called upon.

Many plants are poisonous; it’s self-defense. A lovely tea of poppies and poison ivy is certainly natural, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Many reptiles and amphibians have venom, and insects can sting. (Scorpions are arachnids, and they and their spider cousins can do a lot of damage, too.)  Flowers look and smell nice to attract pollinators.

Nature isn’t evil; it’s an ecosystem. In an ecosystem, some things survive, and others do not, often as a result of changing conditions. Tornadoes and copperheads are as much a part of nature as bunny rabbits and sunshine.

So, while Nature may be “natural,” I’m not reassured when it’s touted by some curvaceous babe or slicked-down gent as the reason I should buy what they are selling. ’Nuff said.

Coming up

Hopefully, nothing will bite you if you join the seniors on one or more of their upcoming trips.  The Hilltown Seniors will be going to the 9/11 memorial in New York City on Wednesday, September 14th. Cost is $65, and no refunds. Call Linda Carman at 872-2448 to sign up.

Hilltown Seniors will also be joining an L&S Journeys trip to Amish country on October 5th and 6th. The trip includes an overnight stay, an Amish dinner, visits to Amish sites, and a buffet lunch at a popular restaurant, gift shop, and farmers’ market. Costs vary depending on motel needs (single, double, etc), and range from $220 for a member triple room to $305 for a non-member double. Call Shirley Slingerland at 707-3467 for info and reservations. Shirley is also taking reservations for an Octoberfest visit to the Log Cabin in Holyoke, MA, on October 18th. Cost is $55 for members, and $65 for others.

September is Children’s Good Manners Month, National Guide Dogs Month, International Square Dancing Month, and National Honey Month. This week (Sept. 4-10) includes Popcorn Days and National North West Cider Week. Be Late For Something Day and Labor Day are on the 5th. Grandma Moses Day, National Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day, and Salami Day are the 6th.  International Literacy Day is the 8th, and the 9th has been designated Wonderful Weirdos Day, Banana Day, and Stand Up To Cancer Day.

Whatever days you choose to celebrate, come join us for lunch this week. Swap tales with friends, and enjoy a lunch that you don’t have to cook.

Menu

No lunch will be served on Monday, Labor Day. Lunch at the Senior Center for next week will be:

— Tuesday, Sept. 6, meatloaf with tomato gravy, garlic mashed potatoes, spinach, rye bread, milk, and birthday cake for a monthly celebration; and

— Friday, Sept. 9, baked fish with tomato, mushroom, and peppers, roasted summer squash, rice, wheat roll, tapioca pudding with whipped topping, and milk.

Doors open at 11 a.m., and lunch is served promptly at noon. Remember, no lunch on Labor Day, Sept. 5.  We also have games, dominoes, and cards after lunch most days.

Please call Linda Hodges 24 hours in advance to 872-0940 to reserve lunch, or email her at: , or sign up when you come in. Tell us how many are coming, your name, and your telephone number.  If you’d just like to come and help out, give Mary Moller a call at 861-6253, or email her at , and put “volunteer” in the subject line.

Lunches are provided by Helderberg Senior Services, the Albany County Department of Aging, and Senior Services of Albany. The Town of Berne Community and Senior Services Center is located at 1360 Helderberg Trail (State Route 443) in Berne.