Hilltowns Senior News for Friday, August 12, 2016

I’ve had it with the food channels. In the early days, television stations would occasionally have a cooking show, where someone who looked like your Aunt Frieda would make a delicious pork roast in a Dutch oven, accompanied by crispy potatoes and green beans.

They would run the recipe on the screen, and actually give you time to copy it down. If you had arthritis, or double vision, you could call the station and they would send you all the recipes from today’s show. For free.

Now, there are the food channels, where you get to watch people tying minuscule strips of scallion into butterflies to garnish a dish made of owl’s ears with truffle butter. I am not impressed. Have you looked at the price of owl’s ears lately?

Oh, no, you say, they also have real cooking shows, where some hyperactive bipolar woman on the up side of the manic scale demonstrates how you can make a 14-course meal in 22-and-one-half minutes (allowing for commercials). Of course, they don’t show you the crew of eight underpaid sous-chefs who have been in that kitchen since 4:30 a.m. the previous morning slicing, dicing, and carving baby carrots into swans.

And do you know anyone who owns 34 tiny, unbreakable glass bowls to hold all those quarter-teaspoons of coriander? And what is fenugreek, anyways?

Then there are what I refer to as the show-off shows, where two, or 13, amateur chefs make wallaby-citrus cupcakes frosted with an entire Nativity scene carved out of walnuts, and decorated with spun-sugar angels. Really! Do these people have lives, or do they just spend their days in subterranean kitchens reading the “Encyclopedia Culinaria” in the original middle Italian?

Then there are the “gross-out” shows, where people are shown trying to eat five-pound hamburgers in Duluth (or was that Kalamazoo?) just so they can get their pictures on the wall of gluttony maintained conveniently near the restroom. Or chowing down on fermented yak meat that has been soaked for four days in goat urine (“it gives it a piquancy that is difficult to describe…”).

Not for me! Bring back Betty Crocker, or even Justin Wilson from the Louisiana swamps. People who cook with real pans, using pronounceable ingredients, and who do not want you to purchase the entire 12-volume set (updated annually) of every recipe every research assistant has been able to find on the internet. Besides, I already own three bookcases of cookbooks so, if you need a recipe for grilled guinea pig, just call me.

Coming up

August is American Adventures Month, National Read A Romance Month, Get Ready for Kindergarten Month, National Truancy Prevention Month (do I notice a trend here?), and World Mutt-i-grees Rescue Month. The week of the Aug. 14 through 20 is National Motorcycle Week, National Chef's Appreciation Week, and National Aviation Week (the week of Orville Wright's Birthday on 19th).  V-J Day is the 14th, as is National Navajo Code Talkers Day.

Aug. 15 is National Relaxation Day, and the 16th is National Roller Coaster Day. Black Cat Appreciation Day is the 17th, along with National Medical Dosimetrist Day. The 20th is World Honey Bee Day, International Tongue Twister Day, and National Radio Day. Enjoy!

Free bus to the fair

There will be a free bus to the Altamont Fair on Wednesday, Aug. 17, which is Senior Citizens Day at the Fair. All we seniors get in for free.

The bus will leave the Berne Community and Senior Services Center at 9:30 a.m., stop off at the Knox town hall to pick up our neighbors, and then go on the fair. It will return at 2:30 p.m. to pick us up, and take us back the way we came.

Bring a lunch, or enjoy some of the delicious food at the fair (I’m partial to those sausage sandwiches with peppers and onions).

Menu

Now, however, we have some actual, real, tasty and recognizable food at the senior lunch program. There are also dominoes, games, and useful programs from time to time.

— Monday, Aug. 15, chicken and vegetables with biscuit, beets with dill, pineapple, and milk;

— Tuesday, Aug. 16, macaroni and cheese, stewed tomatoes, California blend vegetables, wheat bread, apricots, and milk; and

— Friday, Aug. 19, lemon garlic fish, baked sweet potatoes, spinach, wheat bread, and rice pudding with whipped cream.

Please call Linda Hodges 24 hours in advance to 872-0940 to reserve lunch, or email her at: , or sign up when you come in. Tell us how many are coming, your name, and your telephone number. If you’d just like to come and help out, give Mary Moller a call at 861-6253, or email her at , and put “volunteer” in the subject line.

Lunches are provided by Helderberg Senior Services, the Albany County Department of Aging, and Senior Services of Albany. The Town of Berne Community and Senior Services Center is located at 1360 Helderberg Trail (Route 443) in Berne.