To the Editor:

I want to thank The Altamont Enterprise for printing Dennis Sullivan’s Field Notes column, “Forgiveness is integrally linked to an apology.”

It is an excellent, thought-provoking exploration of a very important topic, with timely examples. So often apologies, especially by well-known people, resemble hostage tapes where the words are scripted by legal advisors or other kinds of handlers. They are transparently self-serving and haven’t a shred of sincerity. They add insult to injury.

Apology based on empathy is entirely different. It’s experienced as genuine, even if it might not result in forgiveness. Forgiveness that is passive and insincere can be an excuse for accepting a lot of bad behavior, avoiding facing up to abusers, and leaving the vulnerable unprotected.

I was taught that forgiveness sets you free from the pain inflicted. But some things seem impossible to forgive. Based on the offense, forgiveness, even if it is personally valued, can be hard to achieve. A heartfelt apology can go a long way, but often never comes. How many of us have the compassion and insight Jesus showed us when he said, in one version, “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do”?

The best forgivers I know are also the best apologizers. They are wise, humble, generous, have good self-esteem, and appreciate other people and forms of life.

Thank you for listening to me.

Dianne Sefcik

Westerlo