The phone calls this week centered on youth and age, and with the Old Men of the Mountain this is a common thread, as it is with anyone over 50. Youth does not consider age because they don’t think they will get old, but age considers youth because they know they won’t get any younger.

The OMOTM consider they were young once so they know where they are coming from on this one. Young people  think anyone over 30 is old and basically in the way.

Old people consider gangs of young people dangerous and don’t have a clue what is going on. It seems when old people get together and talk about when they were young they remember how they thought their parents knew nothing and old people were in the way.

However, now the OFs know differently — they really know differently.

When the young were quite young they depended completely on older people to take care of them. Now that the quite young have grown quite old they depend on the younger people to take care of them.

The Old Men of the Mountain spoken to today were not in the best of shape and cannot get around like they used to. In fact, some of them getting around and doing what they used to do was literally out of the question.

Fortunately, these OFs all had families with brothers and sisters, and they all had kids, and the kids were raised in the family atmosphere. Not just moms and dads, but aunts, uncles, and cousins, and grandmas and grandpas.

Now that the OFs need help (some just because they are creaky OFs, and others because of medical conditions) the kids are pitching in. The kids are basically doing this because of a strong bond with the parents; this is called love.

The kids do not know where this type of love is applied or what a relief it is to the OFs. The OFs say to themselves, “I guess changing those diapers is paying off.”

This continuation of love quite often is not verbally expressed but is shown with tender touches, soft words, and running kids here and there and seeing that they are protected.

It is too late that the OFs did not realize this when they were young and had youngsters, but for the young who are going to venture into young adulthood and start having young ones of their own it is not too late.

So remember how you treat your young ones because one day you will be sitting at the table as an Old Man (or Woman) of the Mountain, and doing routine things won’t be that easy.

 

Snowed under

All the OMOTM thought this has been a pretty tough winter so far. The snow has been on the ground for some time.

One OF mentioned that his kids have constructed quite a hill for sledding at their place for their kids and kids around the area. The OF said his 2-year-old granddaughter has a great time sledding down this hill.

The OF said he thinks some of these sleds reach 60 to 70 miles per hour! That deserves maybe a five or six hmmmmmm.

And on her little plastic sled, the little tyke must really be whipping down the hill. Of course, she can’t haul the sled back up to go back down; someone has to carry her and the sled to the top so she can do it all over again.

The son has his generator running about 20 lights down the hill so the kids can sled at night, and they have a bonfire going at the bottom so they can warm themselves. The OF relating the story was having as much fun telling about the sledding as if he were able to do it himself.

This reminded this scribe of when he and his brothers were young and the farmer on Cole Hill did the same thing for skiing.

This farmer had a Farmall “H” tractor running a simple rope tow to take the skiers to the top of the hill, and we would ski down on long wooden skis with wool socks in felt-lined winter barn boots, and simple spring binders on the skis and down the hill we would go.

As the scribe and the OF remembered, the only color ski was brown. They had hot chocolate in a little hut at the bottom too.

 

Sign of spring?

As the scribe and the OF talked, the OF mentioned that the bluebirds were back. The OF said he had a whole bunch of them in his yard.

The scribe said he thought the bluebirds didn’t go anywhere, and the OF said they did and the males come back first, about three to four weeks ahead of the females.

This was news to the scribe but, if this is supposed to be a harbinger of spring, those birds are in for one heck of a surprise.

The scribe mentioned to the OF that robins returning didn’t mean much to him because, as long as the scribe has lived where he does now, he has robins year round.

In talking to the OFs they not only would like the COVID thing to be over, but now they want the winter to be over also.

Winter seems to be getting to the scribe’s wife also. She found a note in a recent magazine that addresses some of her problems with this scribe.

She is asking “prayers for my husband, who, very tragically, got me nothing for our anniversary when I specifically told him I wanted nothing for our anniversary.” She believes most women will understand this dilemma.

OK, this is complaint time by the few Old Men of the Mountain spoken to, plus just plain old folks that are not partakers of the past breakfasts, but could be because they are the age of this scribe, which puts them in the category of older than dirt, fire, and water.

The complaint is trying to either get on a list or make an appointment for the COVID vaccination shots. Many of the seniors in the Hilltowns and remote areas of Albany County find this futile or darn near impossible. 

A couple of the OFs mentioned one particular rule or protocol that makes no sense at all, and that is: Why can’t a husband and wife be vaccinated at the same time?

These OFs were told that the husband can make his appointment and then the wife must make hers, or the husband can make hers but it must be a separate appointment. Hmmm.

One OF explained that his may be on April 15 in Utica, and hers on April 20 in Plattsburgh. Duh, and who knows where and when the second shot will be. Come now, does this make any sense, or are the OFs hearing it wrong?

Next complaint. The OFs opined that calling the 4-4-7 number, as outlined by the county, is a waste of time. The OFs spoken to get the routine answer that all the personnel are busy so leave your name and number and someone will get back to you.

There must be no one there by the name “someone” because that “someone” never calls back. One OF commented that obviously no one works there — only a phone machine with the message that all the personnel are busy etc., etc.

One OF said he sees on TV people getting shots all over the place, and he wonders how in h--- do they do it and who do they know? Is there a secret number that is circulated by an elite few?

This scribe found that the people spoken to are well into the senior age, and most have underlying conditions, like heart trouble, cancer etc., and there they are hung out in limbo.

Most of the OMOTM are doing what they are supposed to be doing (that is most, not all). The OFs are staying home, limiting their outdoor activities to grocery shopping, and going to the doctor’s.

One OF suggested that is where he thinks vaccines should be sent — to their doctors because they know who their senior patients are, and what medical situations their seniors have. One OF even had it all planned out for them so the doctors would not have to worry about shelf-life of the vaccine.

This scribe keeps reporting that, within the Old Men of the Mountain, there is years-on knowledge in many fields, not being a doctor or having a medical degree, but the logistics of handling large groups of people in the most effective way.

This is enough of these complaints. When the number of people in the whole world is thrown into the mix, it makes the problems of the handful of people in Albany County, in the state of New York, in the United States of America, in the Northern Hemisphere, seem like a pimple on the butt of an elephant.

Doing without

This pandemic has shown that many people can do without a lot of things and that may be a good or bad thing. It takes stuff to make the world go around, stuff keeps people making stuff, and people buying stuff.

Even the OFs buy just stuff, but somebody had to make that stuff, whatever it is, or even if the OF needs it or not, but now the OFs are learning to live without stuff because (particularly older) people are afraid to go to the stores and shop, and that puts people out of work.

Virtual church

Even going to church in many cases is now different. In speaking to the Old Men of the Mountain, this scribe learned that many are going to church virtually. They are doing this via Zoom or YouTube.

This seems to work quite well for the church part but the OFs (just like the ones going to the breakfasts) are missing the human part, and to an OG they miss the personal contact. One OF mentioned missing the personal information of the families that are not on his list of close friends but in the OF’s church family.

That is very hard to do when they get together just once a week and stare at a glass screen to see what is going on.

Hope

At one point, one OF mentioned he was hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel with the vaccinations but these shots don’t seem to be happening right now.

Another OF claims there is hope. He said dark is nothing; darkness cannot put out light for, as dim as it is, light can only go out by itself. So, as long as there is a glimmer of light, it will penetrate the darkness and right now there is light at the end of the tunnel — only it is a long tunnel. So say the OFs.

Even though it sounds like the OFs are growing exhausted from this situation they can’t control, this scribe recently received an email from an OF who sent a kitchen hint.

To wit: You know when you buy a bag of salad how it eventually gets all soggy and brown. Cookies don’t do that.

Phone calls this week wielded more topics than usual. One was a subject used many times but this one included the pandemic and being holed-up and not going anywhere.

By doing the holed-up, it meant the family vehicle sat idle for long periods of time. This OF never left the house only to go grocery shopping and the occasional doctors’ appointments, so basically, the car just sat, and so did the OF.

The OF said he noticed the brakes were acting funny and the car was not stopping like it should. The OF took the car to his dealer and they said the brakes were rusted and one was completely frozen.

The dealer asked, “How long has this car been sitting around?” and the OF replied, “It has not been driven much.”

The dealer said the OF needed a complete brake job. One brake was frozen so bad they had to “break” the brake to get it off. The OF said this really ticked him off because the rear brakes had only 9,000 miles on them.

The OF never had this type of problem before and did not believe it should have happened. The OF said he argued to no avail and it cost him a grand to get the job done.

The dealer suggested the OG run the car every couple of days just to keep it loose and this wouldn’t happen. The OF said again, “It has never happened before.”

The OF said he then asked a lot of questions. One question was, “What do you do about your own cars on the lot?”

Whether true or not the OF has no idea, but the dealer told him that they check each one before it leaves the lot and sometimes they do have to do a complete brake job before the customer receives the vehicle — hmmmm.

The OF came home and sputtered to his wife, “Remember when we used to go to Wards and for 25 bucks get a whole kit for doing two brakes, and the kit came with all the fixings. Then we would take it home, jack up the car in the driveway, and in an hour or so have repaired the brakes on two wheels. What has happened?”

 

The only game in town

In another phone call, Spectrum got raked over the coals. One OF complained that Spectrum brought the internet as far as their neighbor’s house and then stopped, and said it was too expensive to continue on down to them.

The OF and this scribe thought there was some kind of agreement with the state and Spectrum that Spectrum; in order for them to keep their contract with the state, they were supposed to supply internet to all the homes in rural areas.

Apparently that is not the case. Spectrum can do what it wants and the state does nothing about it.

Another OF also complained about those guys too. This OF said his bill jumped by $15.50 in one month. That is an 11-percent jump in one month. The OFs thought that was ridiculous.

Then the other OF said, “Well, they are the only game in town; what are we going to do?” The OF was right.

 

The sky’s not falling

Of course ever one who was talked to commented about the weather. Almost to an OG, they commented on how the weather people treated the oncoming cold like it was getting ready for the atom bomb — it was a larger problem than the virus. It was almost like we have never had cold temperatures and high winds.

One OF did say each station has a seasoned meteorologist that has been with the station for so long he is like a personal friend. These guys surely know the Northeast and what weather we have had (and can have) and it is normal to our section of the country.

One OF said they must be aiming the weather report on newcomers to our area of the country who are not familiar with how our weather can fluctuate from the tropics to the North Pole in just a few hours. Except for this scribe, many OFs went for their morning walks like usual.

One OF said, “So what if it is 6 degrees and the wind is blowing — been there, done that.”

This OF even said that one day it was 8 degrees below zero with high winds, and he took the manure out. Once on the field to be spread, he stood on the wheel of the manure spreader and warmed himself up over the heat of manure.

It is cold, and it will be cold again, but gee-whiz — the sky’s not falling.

 

Smells like home

It is funny (but then again not that funny) how some of the OFs spoken to are still burning wood. This scribe gave that up a few years ago.

For him, it is now too darn much work, but there is nothing like the farmhouse smell that a woodburning stove adds to the home. A wood fire crackling in the stove in the living room, cinnamon buns in the oven, coffee perking in the percolator, all these beautiful aromas mixing together makes a house smell great.

The new way is to have deodorizers to neutralize the house aromas to nothing, then burn candles to simulate the aroma of choice. Makes no sense to this scribe — except maybe for the cat box after the animal has urinated, which is a tough smell to get rid of.

 

I am a seenager

(Senior teenager)

Older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. This is not a memory problem; it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.

Well, this is one ticked-off scribe, because of his own stupid lack of action. For the second time today, Jan. 23, the power was off on my TV and the computers for less than a second.

This time, the scribe was at the computer typing the column and had one page done when — click — off went the power, but not the lights. The scribe deduced it had to be Spectrum. Maybe it was the wind and a limb from a tree, who knows.

Needless to say, because the article was not saved, it is gone, and this scribe is starting page one all over again.

This scribe does have a mental rule to himself that he mutters to save promptly. However, now with the OMOTM column lost, this rule is going to be changed to “as soon as the scribe enters the title, etc.” Let’s see, what did I have written down when the power went off?

The scribe was avoiding writing about COVID as much as he could, but that seems to be what all the OMOTM wanted to talk about. This was not so much about the virus but about the confusion surrounding the vaccinations.

The OG that is getting over the bout with the virus the scribe understands he got the shot, at least that is the way the scribe understood it. However, none of the others have gotten theirs yet.

The OFs who did not have their shots are all on a list of one kind or another; one has his name listed in two counties. The OF explained how this happened (but the scribe still does not understand it). Even so, like a lot of us, so far his name is only just on a list.

This “listing” is beginning to mean not much to the OMOTM, and whether they are well into their nineties or mid-eighties with underlying situations does not seem to mean much to those in charge.

After hours of waiting on the phone (and hours is literal), someone takes the OF’s information, and the info is minimal, and then they tell the OF that he and his wife are on the list, and that is it. So far, all the OFs spoken to are told the same thing

They are out of vaccine. They will be notified by phone as soon as they receive more.

The OFs are now in limbo, waiting for the phone call. One OF described in much detail of two days and long hours on the phone each day before he was finally put on a list.

This OF does not want to go through the same thing to follow up on the questionable phone call of where he is supposed to be once he is advised the vaccine is in. The virtue of patience is being well tested among the OMOTM and many, many others.

One thing the OGs realize is they are on the bottom of the B-list and rightfully so. Those that are on the front lines dealing with this virus should get their shots first.

 

Nasty visitor

A couple of the OFs mentioned how tough a year 2020 had been for them, with or without the COVID-19 virus. One OF mentioned, along with some other problems, that he picked up our nasty visitor and at first did not know what it was because he had no fever or headache.

This OF did have the loss of taste, smell, and energy, and, with the food not having any taste, the OG didn’t eat. The OF said he got down to nothing but skin and bones, so the OG went to the doctor and was immediately put in the hospital.

At that time in the hospital, he said, there was only one other guy there with COVID. The hospital gave the OG three little pills and some goop to eat and watched him for a day and he started feeling better so they sent him home.

The OG says he feels pretty good now and his appetite is back but he still tires easily; the tiredness seems to be going away slowly. The OF said he just went back to the hospital for a check-up and there were six people there with the same problem. The OF thought this virus must be gaining ground.

 

Distribution advice

A couple of the OFs had an idea that they thought would work on this “who gets vaccinated next” list. The OFs still have the problem of location and the county should handle the logistics of this like they do with senior meals, and other senior functions.

The OFs feel the county has all the information it needs for sending out information on where, how, and when. The county also has information on all the seniors, at least those who are part of senior centers.

One OG said, “At least we have filled out enough information for the country on many other things. The county probably knows when we go to the bathroom, how much toilet paper we use and what kind.”

The scribe thinks (along with these OFs) that the whole distribution of the vaccine, and the vaccinations should have been turned over to five or six major hospitals throughout the state.

Let’s keep the state out of it where all the politicians are trying to make brownie points and screwing everything up in the process. Let private industry do it and it would probably be all over in a month.

Another OF thought that the planning is done by young people who think everyone has a set of wheels, can walk five miles, has a smartphone and knows how to use it. Tain’t so, Magee!

The group of people that this virus goes after does not fall in that group. This group needs help, and understanding; many don’t have either a smartphone, or a computer. Ollie, what a mess you’ve got us into now!

 

Let us joke

Humor is an essential coping tool for surviving tough times. Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

The scribe has mentioned this many times because it is true: This is the Old Men of the Mountain because most of the group is old — that is, if you call those in their eighties and nineties old. The OFs in this group don’t want to be called that, but let’s face it, those are old numbers.

The OF’s minds may think they can still do things they did in their sixties but their bodies say, “Not today, fellas; you are old.”

The points that point this up are not the quantity of grandkids the OF has, but the great-grandkids. In the discussions on the phone calls this week, the grandkids kept coming up, and your own kids are now retired, and have been for sometime.

The OFs remember when they retired they considered it a major milestone, like when they were married. Now they can talk to their kids on their retirement, and they do. Talk about equals, yet most of the OFs still call them their kids.

Last week (or maybe the week before) the age was 90; this week the age is 93 of one spoken to. Having minds and desires sharp as tacks and bodies that won’t let the OF fulfill those thoughts is oftentimes frustrating.

Getting dressed, which at one time was not even thought about, the OF would be carrying on a conversation with a brother or buddy and all of sudden, and in short order, the OF was tying his shoes without even knowing he had just showered, shaved, and gotten dressed with only a few minutes gone by on the clock. Well, that has sure changed.

The first part has to be thought out; the bathroom has to be 80-degrees plus, the water hot with everything in order. Then there is putting on the clothes; a lot of that procedure has to be sitting down because the OFs can’t stand on one leg anymore to get the other foot through their shorts.

Those of us who wear compression socks (and these socks work) need help getting them on, but at least no help is required to get them off. The OFs discussed an ad on TV for compression socks that go on easy. It doesn’t look that easy to us OFs.

 

A love-hate relationship

Some of the OFs have homes in Florida, North and South Carolina, Arizona, and Texas. Several of these OFs report how much lower their taxes are in these states than their home in New York, and not by just a few bucks.

These OFs pay taxes in both places and, though they complain about New York, these OF like the change of weather, have family in New York, and like it here for many other reasons. The scribe thinks the older we get the more family means to us. New York does have a lot to offer even though it is expensive to live here.

Quite often, the OMOTM discussed the trials and tribulations of New York but for some reason do hang on. The attraction has many OFs somewhat confused. They have the means to leave but don’t.

The OFs will just grumble along with most everyone else. One OF said, as he gets older it becomes cheaper for him to live and, like the OF on the phone who has family taking care of him, that is a big help.

Most of the time it comes down to family, and a little side note: The Helderbergs are noted for how long people live here up on this mountain.

 

Saving money

The older we get, and when we have our health, it becomes cheaper to live. That is not true if the OF winds up in a nursing home.

It takes a lot of planning to get into your late eighties and nineties but the car sits in the garage, so there is less money on gas. The older we get the less we eat, and eating out at fancy restaurants is not required because the old gut can’t hold that much, or all the fancy creams and spices don’t seem to agree with us, so that is a waste of money.

Shoes last for years, and we seem to be in the same type of clothes day after day if the OF even bothers to get dressed. All this saves money.

As was said in the beginning, the mind says to the OF, we are going to do this or that, and we don’t do this or that. It might be we just run out of time because after the OF gets dressed there isn’t any time left in the day, and the OF just is worn out and not ready for any challenges.

 

Worries

The few phone calls made confirm the OFs are worried about two things.

Number one is how and when they are going to get their vaccination shots. To an OF they knew this confusion was how it was going to wind up anyway. No matter who was in charge, the numbers are too big for things to run smoothly.

The second item the OFs are worried about is the inauguration, which will be over when this Enterprise is on the streets, but the OFs are still concerned.

This scribe visited his old friend Maxine (who lives on the internet) for some words of wisdom concerning the aging process.

Maxine said, “Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot, is cold; what should be firm is limp; and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu.”

It is obvious this is the first column of 2021 so, as always, time marches on. With the march of time come many changes and new experiences; none of us really know what they will be, and neither do the Old Men of the Mountain.

Every OMOTM spoken to misses the Tuesday morning gatherings and can’t wait for this virus thing to be over. Sometime (hopefully sooner rather than later) it will be over, and that way we can get ready for the next disaster and that one might be so the group will be able to get together again sans the worries of catching something that may eventually cause the OF’s demise, maybe just warts.

Time marching on brought up two conversations. One was that, during a phone call, the chime of a clock signaling the time sounded and the OF on the other end of the phone heard it. The clock played a little tune and then sounded the time with chimes.

The OF must have been paying little attention to the words of the conversation because he questioned the correctness of the clock’s chimes. After all, it was definitely 10 a.m. but the OF on the other end of the phone distinctly heard 11 ding-dongs.

The OF commented to this scribe that the clock had the wrong time because he heard 11 ding-dongs and the OF knew it was 10 a.m. This scribe said the OF was correct on both counts. It was 10 a.m. and the OF did hear 11 ding-dongs.

While the OF was resetting the clock after changing the batteries, he held the button down too long and went past the correct time by one ding-dong and it was a real pain in the butt to go back and change the time. Now everybody in the house when hearing these chimes subtracts the number by one and the clock is right on the money for telling the time with the ding-dongs.

This brought up another story for the OF about a cuckoo clock. The cuckoo clock was given to his in-laws by this OF way back when. The in-laws hung the clock on the wall in the living room where, when properly wound, it performed its cuckcooing duties right on time.

One time, when the OF’s brother-in-law was quite little, he became quite ill. This illness caused the little one to become very fussy and the only time he really stopped was when he was able to get to sleep, but for some reason the sleep never lasted very long.

The reason for this happening, the father-in-law deduced, was because of that infernal cuckoo clock. Every time it cuckooed the little brother-in-law would wake up and start hollering. The father-in-law at times had a short fuse, and at other times was as calm as could be with all cane breaking around him. 

This was not one of those times. The clock came off the wall and was hurled against the other wall, and smashed. That ended the little cuckoo’s role of announcing time to the world. It cuckooed no more, and the young brother-in-law found longer times of restful sleep. 

This scribe found out what happened when he went to gather up the pieces of the broken cuckoo clock, put them in a brown paper bag (no plastic in those days) and brought it home.

With some string, rubber bands, and carpenter’s glue, the decorative case was back together, but the little bird came out very limp, and when he finished announcing the time his little head was looking at the floor, then it would spring back and retreat behind his crooked little door until the next time.

This scribe thinks that clock is still around some place waiting to cuckoo once more.

 

Life saver

Another thing about time and the phone calls. When speaking to one of the OFs the OF let the scribe know that 2021 put him one year closer to 100 years old.

Except for driving, the OF is as alert as ever and a good conversationalist. Just to remember that fact is interesting in itself. This OF saved the life of this scribe way back when we were a lot younger. This was in the middle forties and the scribe was about 12 years old or so.

We were working filling a silo with the corn being pulled automatically from the wagon. It was getting close to the end of this load and this scribe had a pitchfork and was raking the tailings onto the table that carried the corn to the chopper.

Unexpectedly his sweatshirt became caught in the chain and was pulling him onto the table to the chopper. This scribe could not pull back hard enough nor could this scribe reach anything to shut it down. Just then, the OF that is close to 100 came around from the side of the wagon and saw the situation.

This OF grabbed the scribe, pulled him back, and shut down the equipment seconds before the scribe was on his way to the chopper. Ah, the fun of farming.

 

Good kisser

Soon after the original three OFs that started this group, the OF approaching 100 and this scribe joined the three of them for breakfast and the OMOTM was underway.

As this phone conversation was ending, the OF told the scribe, “Give your wife a kiss from me.”

Locating the wife in her most un-favorite spot near the laundry room this scribe complied with that request. When the startled wife asked why she was the recipient of the kiss, the scribe related the phone call, to which she replied, “Wow, Mike is sure a good kisser.”

You may not know this about me, but years ago I was diagnosed with a sleep disorder and was prescribed sleep equipment. Sound familiar? In talking to a few of the Old Men of the Mountain, I learned a good night’s sleep is very important as to how you are going to feel the next day.

As the OFs got (and are getting) older, a good night’s sleep is hard to find. (Aches and pains, dreams, night sweats, seem to keep us awake).

The topic of sleep not only came up in a couple of phone calls, but this time it was on naps and the night’s sleep put together. Naps, when the OFs were younger, were something taken when on vacation, and a nap would be snuck in here and there.

As the YFs are now OFs, naps are part of the required daily regime. The scribe has notes on sleep in his little notebook so the OFs must have spoken about this when they were still meeting together.

Sleep must be important or it would not be brought up among the group so often. The term the OFs are looking for is a “good” nap in the afternoon, and as the scribe has written before, a “good” pre-sleep in the evening, and then a restful night’s sleep. That would be great according to the OFs, but unfortunately, does not happen that often.

In the Bible, Acts 2-17 says basically, “And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God …. your old men shall dream, dreams.” Well, the last days must have started long ago, because old men have been dreaming dreams for quite a while.

About 1800 B.C., Joseph interpreted Egypt’s Pharaoh Necho’s II bad dreams, so that makes the last days coming in from at least 3,800 years, and way before that.

The OFs of 2020 have some whoppers they could lay on you. Dreams go way back to Abraham, and what about dreams of the season like we are in right now with another Joseph, the step-dad to Jesus, and the dreams the Wise Men had that sent them home another way so they wouldn’t have to mess with Herod? All important dreams to the Christmas season.

Some of the OFs claim at times they are afraid to go to sleep because their dreams are so bad. One OF decided to check with his doctor because bad dreams could be caused by a medication the OF was taking.

The scribe, on this conversation way back when, said he wondered what dogs and cats dream, or even what the Neanderthal’s dreamt (those must have been some whoppers) or what do lions, tigers, and bears, Oh my, dream? Elephants, whales, and snakes must have some screwy dreams.

Sleeping was the topic of the day and sleeping seems to be important to the OFs. However, it’s not only the OFs; sleeping is important to all of us. One OF said he was checked for sleep apnea and couldn’t take it since he had to be hooked up to equipment that measures your heart, lung, and brain activity plus blood-oxygen levels, etc.

The OF said he took all that “junk” off and told them he was going home and did. The OF never finished the test.

This scribe was tested for sleep apnea with all the attachments, but the scribe was shown how to put them on and did the test at home. It wasn’t too bad, but it was necessary to pay attention and follow the instructions and do it right for the test to have any value.

The OFs said that having arthritis has quite an effect on getting to sleep, and staying asleep. One OF mentioned this must be a common problem because of all the sleep aids out there. Not only nightmares give him a problem but so does pain.

Again, we hear the adage, “Ya gotta be tough to get old.”

An OG added to that: “When I was young, I never saw it coming” because his parents never complained — they just put up with it. “Now I recognize, to some extent, this situation, also I only complain to you guys because you understand.” What a therapy group this group is.

 

Out with 2020

In phone calls, the year 2020 comes up most of the time and the OFs will be glad to see this year go. The OFs spoken to will be glad to see 2021 come in, and hope it is different than 2020.

One OF mentioned that, with the advent of vaccines, he thinks, once they get spread around, 2021 will be different in many ways.

This OF mentioned his kids working from home and if that becomes normal they will designate a room just for that, and use this room as a tax deduction. (“Hopefully,” the OF added to the sentence, “because the government will find a way to eliminate that perceived benefit” — of that the OF is sure).

The OF said his kids are used to the world changing every week or so, but the OF can’t get used to it. Right up to a few years ago, the OF said it took quite a while for changes to occur and he was able to see them coming and adjust and he really didn’t know exactly when it happened but he was ready for it.

Now, the OF said, he goes to bed at 9 and wakes up at 6 the next morning and everything has changed. The OF said, “I am there at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, scratching my head and muttering what the h--- just happened?”

What did?

As the scribe called around this week, he found three of the OFs really sick. These guys are not sick with COVID-19, but ill with problems they would have had whether there was a virus or not.

Our prayers go out to all the OFs on a routine basis, but these will be isolated out for special request along with many others on that list. This scribe doesn’t have a clue how do to this right and is sure there must be a way because priests, rabbis, and ministers do it all the time.

There is one topic that came up this weekend and guess what that was. Tropical islands?

Nope — wrong — it was snow. This scribe wonders why the OFs would be talking about snow.

Those spoken to in the first part of the conversation was how long it took them to shovel or get plowed out, and how much snow was left. This must apply to all on the Hill and in the valley; no one in our area escaped this snowfall.

On the Hill, each OF spoken to in person or on the phone mentioned the depth to be about 30 inches plus, maybe a tick less but 30 inches seemed to be the figure. Not all of the OFs spoken to have attached garages and some had to wade through 30 inches of snow just to get to a shovel. No matter who the scribe spoke to, clearing away the snow just to get anywhere was the job of the day.

This scribe hopes the OFs only thought about shoveling, because at the ages of most of the OFs, shoveling snow is not a good idea, and neither is going to the hospital a good idea; either one could lead to the other.

Many of the OFs have good neighbors who come and help the old folks in all kinds of situations. These types of neighbors would offer the helping hand, whether their neighbors were old or not; they just want to help.

One OF mentioned that he had the opportunity to go South for six weeks this winter and declined because of the COVID; the OF did not want to go where this virus was more prevalent than in New York. Now he is beginning to have second thoughts about turning it down, because the offer of the place was given to someone else.

“Then again,” the OF said, “With snow what you have is what you have; however, with this stupid virus it is all questionable.”

The few spoken to had basically the same feelings on the holidays this year, but with the snow the OFs seemed to have perked up. This has to be a form of conditioning for a Northeasterner.

The people in the South and the people in Hawaii do not have snow to help them along, yet they decorate and celebrate and have the holiday spirit without snow. Some have never even seen snow.

But to a Northeasterner snow seems to be necessary. The OFs feel more like Christmas with white on the ground or in the air.

When the OFs were younger, Christmas meant material gifts; even when the OFs were really young and Santa brought only one thing. Boy! Has that gone by the wayside for most people!

When the YFs became the OFs, some of them want only one thing again, but this time it is not materialistic. They want not to hurt, and to have good health. Some OFs want to be able to wish that for friends and relatives even if they can’t have it themselves.

One OF made the comment, “Wouldn’t it be great if Santa was able to leave a get-well pill. Little Mary and Brother Tim would get their presents, Mom and Dad would get theirs, and Grandma and Grandpa would get a get-well pill on a little silver plate.”

All the OFs, whether they a part of the OMOTM or not, would think this would be a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Speaking of Merry Christmas and all that on behalf of the Old Men of the Mountain this scribe would like to wish all a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Right now, Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.

This scribe was a little under the weather this week but is fine now so did not contact any of the OFs. This scribe did call a couple just to see how they were doing and only got to talk to a machine.

The machine on the OFs’ behalf advised they would return the call as soon as they returned. These calls did not come.

So, as of right now, there is nothing to report that would be new; however, there is always the old notebooks where the scribe can research if anything happened a few years ago. Well, here it is and it was when times were more normal, if anything can be called normal.

We have one OF who maintains we can’t call anyone crazy; this OF thinks the ones we call crazy may be the sane ones. This OF would counter anyone mentioning the strange behavior of someone with the comment that maybe running around naked is the sane thing to do and wearing clothes in the insane thing to do.

This OF would always respond, “Who determines what is sane and what is not?” That is always a good question to get any conversation started.

Many a psychologist’s and psychiatrist’s job would depend on the answer to that question.

This brings the scribe to relate that, for some years in his art class, there were at one time four or five members in the field of mental behavior, or teaching the “unteachable.” A variation of this topic would occasionally pop up as they just routinely talked as they were painting.

One thing the scribe noticed was that never once did the professionals mention cases or people — it was all so general. Just like stories and topics of conversations that a group of mechanics, or electricians, or plumbers would have if there were a group of them talking in a hobby group outside of their trade situation, say a book club, or writers’ class, or a local band, or orchestra, or for that matter a meeting of “old men.”

 

Weather redux

One of the notes this scribe ran across was for December 2010. It was a carbon copy of this exact time of the weather in 2020. The OFs in 2010 were complaining how cold it was on Tuesday, compared to the days before when it was in the forties and fifties.

As time goes by, nothing seems to change — not even the weather. The OFs then were 10 years younger and more of them went out hunting, and 10 years ago they were talking about how nice it was to be out in the woods even if they did not get a chance to shoot anything.

That would be true today with the same words, only adding 10 years to many of the OFs and getting the gun out of the case would be more of an effort than going out. Also, there is the matter of getting dressed, and by the time all that was done it would be almost time to come home.

If the OF now didn’t have a YF with him to haul back whatever he bagged, the OF would be almost dead by the time he got whatever it was to the truck or car.

The sport of hunting is not every OF’s cup of tea. One OF at one time said he would really be leery going into the woods with these OFs and a loaded gun. One would have a cane in one hand, and the gun slung over the shoulder of the other arm.

His partner OF wouldn’t be any better. He would be carrying a gun but only one eye worked, and that one was not that good. Who knows what ailments would beset the others.

One, because of arthritis, would have to drag a leg. The OF thought, with a hunting party like this, the deer and turkey are pretty safe but the hunters would be the ones in peril.

Also in the archives of this scribe’s notebooks is a notation of the OFs commenting more than once on the beauty of the outdoors in the Northeast during hunting season and the fall with one OF observing: Why do we appreciate it so much more as we get older — and by older, the OF meant older.

The OF said, when they were younger, the seasons were the seasons and just another part of the year. But, in their sixties, the OFs began to notice the beauty of winter, the smells of spring, the sounds of summer, and the whole pot of senses in the fall.

The scribe did notice a note from the OMOTM discussing what it would be like with a year of constant weather, and the word “boring” in parentheses. The scribe seems to remember most of the OFs saying they would be bored out of their skulls if the seasons did not change.

Even as challenging as that can be, with heat in the one-hundreds or snow up to the OFs’ eyeballs, the OFs would rather put up with this than have it 72 degrees and sunny every day.

One OF commented he had constant temperatures like this for over a year when he was stationed on Guam. For a while, it was nice but then it got just too darn hot, and he longed for a snowflake.

Soon the OFs will have to start singing their theme song: 

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,

And our joints are not delightful,

Since it’s got so dang cold, 

We feel old, we feel old, we feel old!

When this scribe phones the Old Men of the Mountain, most of the time the call is made from a regular phone number. Then there are a few with “cell phones” and most of the time this scribe is able to tell that by the area code.

Numbers which are familiar are 872, 861, 827, 295, and 868. When this scribe bumps into a number like 314, or 212, the scribe knows it is a cell-phone number.

The purpose for starting like this is that many, if not most, businesses, doctors’ offices, and the like assume everyone has a computer and knows how to use it, or a cell phone and knows how to use it, or any other of these electronic communicating devices and knows how to use them.

Well, they don’t. The assumptions are so strong that seniors can do either (the computer or the cell) but, in actuality, many seniors don’t have either one. Their kids may have given them one but they don’t understand how to use it. To arthritic hands, and senior minds, these devices are just paper weights.

One OF said, “What is so d--- important that it can’t wait?” His granddaughter’s cell phone rings all times of the day, even during meal time.

The OF claims it is rude. The call breaks up conversations around the table, and the family comes second to her. One time her mom said she speaks so seldom to them they don’t even know what her voice sounds like. 

“Her little brother was smarter than his parents,” the OF said. “If you want to talk to her call her on her phone.” 

 

Doctor-speak

The OFs spoken to did not understand the medical portals; one OF could get into it but then it became so confusing the OF was unable to go on, so he does not bother with it.

The OF also said, while at the doctor’s office, he thinks he understands what the doctor said in doctor-speak, but once out of the office the OF forgets half of what the doctor told him.

One OF said he was in the hospital with quite a problem and doctors kept coming in and doing different things and scratching their heads. The OF said the only one that could explain things to the OF and seemed to know more than the doctors, or at least spoke in real-speak was a young, male nurse.

The OF said, “He was the only one that put me at ease.”

 

Are girls turning into boys?

The other conversation morphed into when the OFs were young and times were different, and again it centered around young people today as opposed to the OFs when they were young, and this was gender inclusive.

This scribe thinks the OF was talking about chivalry without using the word. This OF did not understand the young ladies of today. To him, they don’t want to be ladies; they want to be boys.

The OF grumbled that girls want to be on the baseball, football, and basketball teams. They want to wrestle in the boys’ weight class.

What set him back a little was not too long ago his son and daughter-in-law were taking him to his doctor’s appointment and his granddaughter was coming along. He opened the car door for her and she told him, “Grandpa, I can open the door myself; I don’t need any help.”

The OF said he is beginning to have trouble distinguishing the girls from the boys. They dress alike, in jeans, plaid shirts, sneakers, and hats. The OF also claimed he wouldn’t be surprised if the girls are growing bigger with a different bone structure.

It almost seems the girls are becoming broad-shouldered and narrow at the hips. He isn’t sure but their voices seem to be coming deeper too.

Unfortunately, this is a one-on-one conversation. This scribe is sure, if the same conversation were carried on in the group, there would be much talk and opinions on this one, and some of the OGs might think this particular OF is becoming a little paranoid.

This scribe thinks: Wait until the granddaughter is 18 or 19 and things will be different.

This scribe said think back to when we were young on the farm. All the kids pitched in to help with the farm work, even the milking, and many a young lady could pitch hay as well as any boy her age, or handle the horses, drive the tractor, milk and feed the cows, and it was expected and not considered different at all.

All the jokes about the farmer’s daughter were probably made up by city slickers who didn’t know what farmer’s daughters were really like. If boys messed with those young ladies, and they didn’t want to be messed with, the boys would be decked quicker than you could say Jack Robinson.

 

Heaven and hell

Another week has passed and this column did not have to mention the pandemic once. Until now. This scribe received this note from another OF who obviously knows how to access his computer.

It seems that people keep asking if COVID-19 is really that serious. Listen up: Casinos and churches are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious.

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