Almost 100 years ago, Dr. Ralph C. Smedley had the idea of forming a club to train young boys and men in public speaking, social skills, and leadership.
Starting with a club at a YMCA in California, that initial idea turned into Toastmasters International, a program where men and women can learn to speak and listen better as well as develop leadership and confidence, with chapters and members all over the world.
In October TI celebrates its 100-year anniversary. They must be doing something right to have lasted so long and still be going strong.
I first became aware of TI about 30 years ago while walking around the office campus where I worked. There I saw a sign for an upcoming meeting.
All I knew about Toastmasters back then was that the “toast” referred to something the best man does at a wedding, not something you eat for breakfast. I attended that meeting and was immediately asked to participate in a debate.
I can’t remember what the topic was — I think it was gun rights — but I remember winning the debate and getting hooked. What fun, to be with courteous, thinking people where we could all learn, share, and grow with each other.
Over the next several months, I attended many other meetings of that TI club. A couple of speeches I heard really stood out.
One woman did a presentation complete with stunning pictures of her mountain-climbing in the Swiss Alps. Another lady did a presentation on curling, an Olympic sport, which is like bocce but with big “stones” (like giant hockey pucks) instead of balls and on ice instead of grass. She said curling was what got her through the long, cold winters.
Unfortunately, my wife and I had three small kids at the time. All the running around with music lessons, sports, and other after-school activities meant I couldn’t keep up with it. I hated dropping out but it just wasn’t possible to fit it in at that time.
Still, I never forgot how much I enjoyed my initial foray into the wonderful world of Toastmasters — so positive, uplifting, and motivating.
Then about six years ago I heard of a Toastmasters club starting in an agency I’m a member of, so I went to the kickoff meeting. Because my memories of that first TI club were so positive, I volunteered to be president of the new club.
Just like that, I was able to get the Toastmasters magic going again. Don’t think I use the word “magic” lightly here; the entire TI program is indeed magic in the transformation it can make when an enthusiastic participant commits to it.
It worked with me and I’ve seen it work in others time and time again. Dr. Smedley’s 100-year old idea was so sound it still resonates today. Amazing.
So what is Toastmasters, anyway? It’s a program where you practice getting better at public speaking, of course, but it’s also so much more.
It helps you develop listening skills (God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason, haha); promotes mentoring; facilitates networking; and, above all else, improves one’s overall social skills, confidence, and leadership.
Truly, had I known about TI when I first entered the workforce, I would have become a much better leader and achieved much more success. That is a fact.
I’ve been writing this column for over 20 years. The way it works is I think of a topic, and then try hard to come up with an opening sentence. Once I get the first sentence, the next thousand words just flow out.
The point is, I’m very confident in using the written word to communicate. In fact, it’s my preferred method of communication.
Speaking in public does not come easy or naturally to me. Yet, from working with TI all these years, something that was dreaded — speaking publicly in front of others — has become something I actually enjoy doing (though I still have to work hard to keep improving). Toastmasters really does work.
Toastmasters’ meetings follow a scripted format, which is both comforting and efficient. At a typical meeting, there will be several speeches, followed by evaluations of those speeches.
There is also a free-flowing “Table Topics” exercise, where anyone is welcome to give a one- to two-minute talk on a random topic that the Table Topics Master gets to pick out. The speeches and table-topics talks are always great, because people try so hard to do them well.
Occasionally, the speeches will bring you to tears, like the one I heard recently from a lady who managed to get out of the second tower just after the first tower was hit during the 9/11 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. I literally held my breath as she described her experience.
It was all I could do to keep from crying. That’s how truly powerful some heartfelt speeches from our fellow Toastmasters members — our friends and neighbors — can be.
At a Toastmasters’ meeting, newcomers are always greeted and made to feel welcome. TI is a no judgment zone: We welcome everyone.
The only thing we insist on is that you want to improve yourself as a speaker, listener, leader, and mentor. Those are our goals, and we want to help you achieve them as well.
Here is the official TI Mission statement: “We empower individuals to become more effective communicators and leaders.” The core values at TI are beautiful in their simplicity and power: Integrity, Respect, Service, and Excellence. Just fantastic.
One thing that is unique to Toastmasters is the “ah counter.” This is where we count your use of filler words when speaking, words or phrases like “ah,” “um,” “so,” and “you know.”
We don’t do this to embarrass you; on the contrary, many speakers, including myself, use these words without ever realizing we’re doing it. The hope is that by tracking the use of filler words, one can become aware of it and work to reduce it.
Still, I’ve heard more than one person say they felt self-conscious with this aspect of Toastmasters (“I don’t want someone counting my ums!”). The best is when you improve your speaking so much that you’re not using these words anymore. That’s really huge, and totally doable.
I’ve met some truly great folks in Toastmasters. I’ve seen people who were holding onto the lectern for dear life during their first speech because they were so nervous and now have become so confident and eloquent speaking in front of others that it can only be described as a miracle.
Every time I do a speech, I’m just amazed at how far I’ve come as well. I still need to work on those listening skills, however, as my long-suffering wife will attest to. That’s one big reason I stay involved with Toastmasters. There is always room to improve, plus it’s just plain fun!
I’m going to be starting a Guilderland Toastmasters club soon. We’ll meet at the library. The library has beautiful meeting rooms complete with audio/video support so we can do hybrid in-person/zoom meetings.
If you want to improve your public speaking, listening, and leadership skills or, more importantly, if you just want to have fun, please consider joining. We’d love to have a group of about 20 folks to start out with.
Please contact me and let me know your preferred meeting day and time for a monthly meeting; call me or contact me through the library. For more information on TI, see toastmasters.org. There’s a lot of information there, so be sure to have a full cup of coffee ready to go.
My hometown of Guilderland has beautiful parks, thriving businesses, lovely neighborhoods, and a vibrant community, but one thing it doesn’t have is a local Toastmasters club. Let’s change that now!
Enterprise file photo — Michael Koff
Ghost bike: A bicycle painted entirely white was installed on Washington Avenue Extension, near the main entrance to Crossgates Commons, where bicyclist Roger Sawyer, 31, of Guilderland died in October 2017 after being struck by an SUV.
Many years ago, an energetic young lady — a budding entrepreneur with a growing business — was killed while riding her bicycle early one morning by the University at Albany uptown campus on Western Avenue.
The story resonated locally for a long time. A bright flame extinguished at such a young age. I used to drive right by the corner where it happened every day during my commute to and from work.
Not long after the accident, a white bicycle appeared on the corner where the accident occurred. It was chained to a road sign, and adorned with flowers and floral garlands.
Clearly someone wanted to memorialize this lady’s life, in a very public way. I’ve since learned that bicycles installed at accident scenes are called ghost bikes. I’m not sure I like the idea.
I know the folks who install these memorials are suffering from the intense grief caused by the loss of a loved one. That’s understandable.
But let’s look at it from another perspective. Once a ghost bike gets installed, everyone who walks, rides, or drives past it gets reminded of a horrible tragedy.
In my case, I had to think about that girl’s death twice a day for months if not years. Is that mentally healthy for those of us forced to look at it? How can it be?
OK, Frank, stop being such a whiner. Find another way to get to work. For me that would have been Washington Avenue Extension, right past Walmart and Home Depot.
So I switched to that route, even though I would have preferred staying on Western Avenue. Not long after, another bicyclist was killed right at the entrance to those stores. Can you guess what happened next?
Another ghost bike appeared there, right where I got to see it, again, twice a day. I like being reminded of lots of things: my beautiful wife, my wonderful kids and grandkids, terrific motorcycle rides, etc. One thing I don’t like being reminded of is horrible traffic accidents.
Inevitably, whoever installs the ghost bike, over time, either loses interest in maintaining it or can’t keep up with the maintenance for some reason. What maintenance you ask? Keeping up the flowers and decorations, for one.
But the bicycle tires soon go flat, and then the steel parts start to rust. Before you know it, the bicycle looks like crap. Then, one day, it’s gone. Is that the way to properly memorialize someone? By letting their memorial get all rotted out until it has to be removed because it’s such an eyesore?
My cousin lives on a busy corner in Maspeth, Queens. It’s a very tight and congested neighborhood, but all the houses are well maintained.
One time, there was a car accident right on the corner in front of her house. People died.
Not long after, the victims’ families started having Saturday night prayer services right on the corner. They’d pray, sing, and leave candles and flowers. This went on for, if you can believe it, years, before it finally stopped.
Can you imagine having a weekly memorial service right in front of your living room window for such a long time? What are people thinking?
We all grieve differently. I think about my deceased parents every single day, yet I don’t run around in a funk. I know I don’t visit the cemetery as often as I should. But they are in my mind constantly.
I’ll bet, if you could ask them, they would say to go ahead and keep on living, trying to do good things and be a responsible husband, parent, and neighbor. To try to be happy. And to remember them.
The last thing they would want is some kind of public shrine. They would be livid if I did something like that.
My father was a veteran, so both my parents are buried in the Gerald Solomon National Cemetery in Saratoga. When you go there, you can’t help but feel awed and reverent for how our brave men and women who have served our country are memorialized.
The place is beautiful, serene, and well maintained. This is how you remember people: in a proper cemetery, where they can rest in peace. Not with a rusting bicycle or makeshift shrine at an accident scene.
Some people like to take their dear departed’s ashes and spread them in a meaningful place. Oceans and mountains seem to be very popular for this kind of remembrance.
I’ve always said I want to be cremated, and then have my ashes put in the gas tank of my motorcycle while one of my buddies rides my bike up scenic Route 30 in the Adirondacks. But with my luck, I’d just clog the fuel filter and cause a breakdown, haha.
I’m seeing accident shrines more and more these days. On the highways, on the back roads, etc. Sometimes it’s flowers, or it may be a sign, or something else from the deceased person’s life.
I hope this trend doesn’t go much further. Churches and cemeteries are great places to mourn. Out on a blind curve in the middle of nowhere? Not so much.
I don’t like seeing more and more ghost bikes and roadside shrines in my travels. I like it better when we grieve in appropriate places, or just in our minds.
Bicycling is a great way to get and stay in shape. It’s so much fun, and it can even be a way to go green and commute. But bicycling is very, very dangerous.
One of my best friends was Mark Fiato, who owned Taco Pronto on Western Avenue. He was killed in the prime of his life on a bicycle. I think about him and the three beautiful daughters he left behind all the time.
How come something so good for us and the environment has to be so dangerous? I’d love to see dedicated bicycle lanes all over the place. One thing we can all do is refuse to text, watch movies, or drink while driving. The stakes are too high to do anything less.
My wife is big into grief. What I mean is she has seen a lot of her friends, as well as her mother, pass away. She genuinely mourns deeply for these folks.
Fortunately, she found a great group to help her, called Grief Share, which can be found at www.griefshare.org/. I’ve talked to her friends who participate in it, and they all love it.
One widow told me it was like finally finding the right way to remember her dear departed husband. Again, I don’t grieve like most people — I choose to move on with fond memories — but if you are suffering from the loss of a loved one, give Grief Share a try. I have heard nothing but good things about it.
Ghost bikes and roadside shrines are well intentioned, but there are better ways of remembering our loved ones. How about donating that bicycle to a needy kid instead? I’m sure your dear departed loved one would be very happy if you did something that nice in his or her memory.
One time, I got stuck in a doctor’s office with a paucity of reading materials while I endured the inevitable wait to be seen. So I picked up a bridal magazine. Beggars can’t be choosy, haha.
The well-worn magazine was as thick as a catalog. Upon scanning this beast, I realized that everything was about The Dress. It was endless advertisements for dresses, then articles about dresses, then more articles on what goes well with dresses.
Considering all the other topics a potential bride should care about — like marrying the right person — I found this emphasis on only one aspect of marriage to be a little questionable at best and quite distracting at worst. There is much more to getting married than choosing the right dress, obviously.
The reason I bring this up is because, since I started learning to play guitar a few years ago, I look at a lot of guitar magazines. If someone who knew nothing about guitars picked up a guitar magazine, they would think it’s all about The Guitar.
Just like in bridal magazines with The Dress, in guitar magazines it’s pages and pages (though not nearly as many as bridal magazines) of ads for guitars, then articles about guitars, and then articles and ads of what goes well with guitars.
It’s like, if you see a picture of Lindsay Buckingham holding a certain guitar, they want you to think if you buy it you’ll sound like him on one of his many Fleetwood Mac hits. Trust me, it doesn't work that way.
I can’t speak for what brides need besides The Dress, but, after playing guitar now for several years, I can speak for what anyone interested in playing guitar really needs in order to do well on this most versatile and fun instrument.
If you’re retired like me and have a little extra time on your hands, here are 10 things you need to get in order to start playing guitar (wish I’d had this list when I started):
—1. A guitar.
You can get a decent acoustic guitar for around $200. Go to a music store, try out a bunch, and get the one that feels good in your hands. We’re all different sizes and shapes, so take time to find one that fits you.
Sit on a stool or a chair with no arms, thighs parallel to the ground, and put the guitar on your lap. Throw your arm over it and hug it to your chest. It should just feel right.
If it doesn’t, try another one. If you’d like to try an electric guitar, go ahead, but realize then you also need an amplifier and cable. My advice for a beginner would be to start with a simple acoustic guitar, just because you don’t have to worry about electronics when you’re first starting.
Also, even new guitars can benefit from a “setup.” This usually involves lighter strings and some critical adjustments that can make even a low price point guitar sound and, more importantly, feel like a much more expensive one;
— 2. A tuner.
I can show you in two minutes how to tune a guitar to itself, but at some point you’re going to be playing with others, so you need to learn how to properly tune a guitar. You can get a clip-on guitar tuner for $15, or you can use an app on your phone.
No matter how you do it, learning to tune your guitar is essential. Guitars are made of wood, which expands and contracts depending on humidity, so tuning correctly and frequently is a fact of life if you want to play guitar;
— 3. A strap.
Sit with your guitar on a chair with no arms or a stool, thighs parallel to the floor. Once you are comfortable, attach a strap to your guitar, such that when you stand up, the guitar is in the exact same position on your body as when you are sitting down. Doing this will make the transition from playing while sitting to playing while standing much, much easier.
Newer guitar straps have a self-locking feature. If your strap doesn’t, spend a couple of bucks on some strap locks. Having a guitar fall out of your hands while playing is never fun;
— 4. A music stand.
What do these five famous musicians have in common: Eric Clapton, The Beatles, Taylor Swift, Elvis Presley, and Jimmy Page? Despite being master song writers, none of them — not one — knows how to read or write music. They have someone else transcribe it for them.
Don’t be like them. I mean it. If you know the first seven letters of the alphabet and you can count to four, you can learn to read and write music. So get a good music stand and use it when you practice from books, sheet music, or “guitar tab.” You will never regret learning even just the basics of reading and writing music;
— 5. A metronome.
Music is all about rhythm. Without rhythm, there is no music. A metronome lets you develop your sense of rhythm such that you can play with others and keep “the beat.”
Say you’re working on a new chord change or a new piece of music. You set the metronome to something slow, like 40 BPM (Beats Per Minute). The metronome will then emit a beep 40 times per minute, and you can then count and play one-two-three or one-two-three-four or whatever the music calls for.
Once you get that, increase the BPM little by little until you can play it at the speed it calls for or that you want. If you talk to any real musician, they will tell you that using a metronome consistently is key to learning to keep to the beat and play with others. You can find them for around 20 bucks or as an app on your phone;
— 6. A lesson book.
Yes you can bounce around YouTube and find everyone and their sister giving guitar lessons, but a good beginning guitar lesson book is something you can really use well to get better and better at playing guitar.
I’d recommend a group lesson first, like those offered in adult continuing-education courses, and then a good book to work with as you keep practicing. In fact, if you take private lessons, the teacher will often recommend a good book to work with.
Here’s a tip: Whatever book you get, take it to an office-supply store and spend a few bucks to have a spiral binding put in. This will allow the book to lie flat on your music stand, which is a huge help;
— 7. A guitar case.
Sooner or later, you’re going to want to take your guitar on the road. Don’t even think about just throwing it in the back seat or the trunk. Get a good case so it’s protected when you travel.
They come in all price ranges and materials. Shop around and get a good one. Your guitar will thank you very much;
— 8. A guitar stand.
Get a guitar stand to keep your guitar safely stored while not in use. Put it in a place in your house where you’ll see it every day. The more you see it, the more likely you are to pick it up and start practicing or playing.
Big tip: Try to touch the guitar for at least five minutes every day. You will not believe how much consistency helps with learning to play;
— 9. Fingernail maintenance.
If you want to play guitar, accept the fact that you now have fingernail maintenance to worry about. The fingernails on your fretting hand need to be kept short. This allows you to use just the tips of your fingers to fret the notes, which is key to getting a clean, buzz-free sound.
On your picking hand, you want to grow out your nails so you can use them to pick the strings. “Fingerpicking” an acoustic guitar is one of the great joys in life. The price for that joy is near constant fingernail trimming, filing, and cleaning. Artists do have to suffer for their art, haha; and
— 10. Picks.
A pick, or plectrum, is a little piece of plastic shaped like a slice of pie that you use to pick the strings. They come in all kinds of materials and various thicknesses. How can a beginner possibly choose the right one? Get an assortment, they don’t cost much, and find one that is not too soft, not too hard, and feels good to you.
Fun fact: The great Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top uses a good old American quarter to play his many hits. Just find a pick that works for you.
These 10 things are what you need if you want to learn to play the guitar. There is of course one more thing you need — lots of practice — and we’ll talk about that some other time.
If you are interested in learning to play guitar, consider the Guilderland Guitar Group. We meet on the first Wednesday of the month at the Guilderland Public Library in one of the community rooms. There is a lot of competition for these rooms, so the time unfortunately can vary, but we try for 7 p.m. most months. All are welcome, it’s a lot of fun, so stop by, and get your groove on.
— Photo from Frank L. Palmeri
Frank L. Palmeri is learning to put on his firefighting gear in less than two minutes.
Imagine for a moment that you are a man getting ready to attend a wedding. You hop out of the shower and quickly run a comb through your hair (sorry ladies; it really is that easy for us). Then you begin getting dressed:
— Put on underwear, undershirt, and socks;
— Put on dress shirt;
— Put on pants, tuck shirt in;
— Put on belt;
— Put on tie;
— Put on jacket and maybe a pocket square to match the tie;
— Put wallet, keys, comb, phone, and lucky rabbit’s foot in pockets; and
— Put on shoes.
Pretty straightforward, right? Now imagine you had to do all that in two minutes or less. Think you could do it?
The reason I ask is because I’m doing something very similar in my volunteer firefighter training. It’s called “donning and doffing,” and it is a huge skill that all firefighters need to master. Let’s talk about donning first.
At the firehouse, each firefighter has a locker or cubby where all their “turnout gear” sits waiting for the next call-out. This is the fire-safety clothing and other equipment that we use when responding to a call.
The idea with donning, if you make it all the way to Class A interior firefighter, is to put it all on and be “breathing air” — that is, breathing from a backpack mounted compressed air tank known as SCBA (Self Contained Breathing Apparatus) — in two minutes or less.
I’m currently training to be a Class B exterior firefighter, but I’m aspiring to Class A, so I have practiced donning all the gear many times at this point. My best time was 2 minutes and 25 seconds, so I have some work to do.
Why is there such an emphasis on getting fully dressed in such a short time? Well, a fire can double in size every 30 seconds. Truly, when talking about fighting fires, every second counts. Donning all the gear rapidly and efficiently can be a matter of life and death.
Donning
When it comes to donning, each firefighter has little tricks and techniques that help him or her beat the two-minute deadline. I’m so new at this that I’m still finding my way. But here is the procedure I use.
This assumes you are standing in your street clothes, with all your turnout gear laying on the floor in front of you:
— Remove your shoes (slip-on, slip-off shoes are the way to go);
— Put on hood (looks like a ski mask that also covers the neck);
— Step into firefighting boots;
— Pull up bunker pants (they were stored around the boots);
— Fasten waist closures;
— Pull up and fasten suspenders;
— Put on jacket (normal way or overhead flip);
— Secure jacket front up to neck;
— Secure jacket neck protector;
— Turn on the SCBA pack air supply valve;
— Place arms in pack straps, throw pack over your head, secure it on shoulders;
— Jump up in the air while at the same time tugging shoulder straps down to secure backpack high up;
— Tighten pack waist belt;
— Put on face mask and tighten the straps to make an airtight seal;
— Tug hood over face mask on top of head;
— Put on helmet, tighten straps;
— Put on gloves; and
— Install MMR (Mask-Mounted Regulator) from pack onto face mask and rotate ninety degrees.
If you did all of that correctly — hopefully in two minutes or less — you are now breathing air from the tank mounted on your back, and you are ready to go inside burning buildings or attend other events like car fires where toxic gasses are being produced.
Depending on how fit you are and how much air you consume, you have anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes of breathable air to work with.
When you’re on air and running low, the pack has several ways to warn you and your fellow firefighters, from flashing lights to ear piercing alarms. It is not uncommon for a firefighter with his air running low to have his dwindling air tank replaced with a full one by another firefighter so he or she can continue the job.
Also, if one firefighter is running low on air, he or she can piggyback air from another firefighter with a hose and coupling that is included with the pack. That’s a great feature that can potentially save a fellow firefighter’s life.
Each pack also has a PASS (Personal Alert Safety System) alarm. Just hit the red button and a shrieking alarm sound lets others know you need help. What a great feature that is.
There are some guys in Guilderland who have been in volunteer firefighting since they were teenagers. A couple of them told me, when they were young, they could do the donning in less than one minute. Imagine that!
I don’t have the advantage of youth anymore, but there is this mantra from none other than the United States Navy Seals: “Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.” My hope is that a lot of practice will get me to smooth, which will then get me, hopefully, to fast. We shall see.
Doffing
Now let’s talk about “doffing.” This is taking all the clothing and equipment off, but there’s a lot more to it than that.
If you were at a fire or other event where toxic gasses were produced, virtually all of your gear needs to be washed and dried. Thankfully, the firehouse has a washer and dryer just for this purpose.
Once your gear is cleaned, dried, and checked out, the idea is to replace it in your stall or cubby such that it is ready to go again at a moment’s notice: pants lowered around boots, helmet and mask ready to go, gloves and hood within easy reach, etc.
The more orderly you are, the more efficient you can be. I just hope no one from the firehouse comes to my house and sees my messy closet, haha.
Currently there are several of us here in Guilderland training at the same time. The training is at a different location, so when we go we have to take packs off a designated apparatus (truck).
This is not really a problem — the remaining trucks have plenty of packs in case a call-out should occur — but in a perfect world there would be training packs available, so in-service packs wouldn’t have to be disturbed.
Unfortunately, everything in firefighting is large, heavy, and expensive. I doubt there are many volunteer fire companies who have the luxury of providing duplicate equipment just for training purposes.
You might be thinking at this point, these packs must be replaced periodically for safety reasons, so why not just save the old, worn-out packs for training? Well, since air packs are critical for the safety of working firemen and firewomen, it would never be appropriate to train with worn-out equipment.
There is just too much at stake. This business is hard enough as it is without worrying about using equipment that is past its service life.
The right thing to do
If you have any interest in becoming a volunteer firefighter, you should go down to your local firehouse and talk to the fine people there. You may think you’re too old or don’t have enough skill, experience, or time.
Trust me, I’m old and I had zero experience in this area. If I can do it, so can you.
Volunteer firefighting companies also have auxiliaries, open to women and men also, for folks who just want to support the fire company by helping out with meals, supporting us at events, and many other ways. The auxiliary rocks.
Even if you don’t feel like volunteering, be sure to support those chicken barbecues, Sunday morning breakfasts, flower sales, and other fundraisers that volunteer fire companies frequently do. Every little bit helps in firefighter outreach, retention, training and many other ways. Supporting your local volunteer fire company is just the right thing to do.
Last night, I had just crawled into bed after returning from three hours of firefighter training. Shortly thereafter, the pager let me know that power lines were down at one of the local golf courses.
I got out of bed, put on my pants and shirt (backwards, I might add) and shot down to the firehouse. By the time I got there, one truck had already left, and my crew was on the second truck raring to go when we were notified by radio that the scene had been secured, the utility company was on their way, and we could stand down.
When the first truck returned to the station, we washed it and then had an impromptu staff meeting. All of this after 10 p.m. on a weeknight, when many of these unbelievably dedicated men and women had to work the next day.
The fact that there are so many folks, just regular people, who are willing to get out of bed at all hours of the night to help their fellow community members just blows me away. Good on you, my fellow volunteer firefighters.
I sure hope I can learn to do my donning in under two minutes. Wish me luck.
— Photo from Frank L. Palmeri
Knots, from top to bottom, are clove hitch, fireman’s rescue knot, figure eight on a bight, and sheet bend.
I learned about Boy Scouts while growing up by seeing them on TV shows or reading about them in books. Yet, as far as I know, no one in my family was involved in scouting, no one in my neighborhood either, and no one in any school I attended.
We lived on the borderline between Brooklyn and Queens in the East New York area. That’s a lot of territory, so I’m sure there had to be some scouting going on there, but I never saw it.
As an adult, I did scouting for a few years with my son. The good thing about scouting is the quality father-son time that you get. There is also camping, making new friends, and the skills the kids learn.
Not so sure about the Pinewood Derby, though. I’ve seen too many fathers go to such extremes to win that I wonder what the kids even get out of it at this point. Still, scouting in principle is no doubt a great thing for boys and young men to do with their fathers.
The reason I’m thinking about scouting today is it would have been so handy for me now if I’d have done it. That’s because, as a volunteer firefighter in training, I’m now learning all about ropes and knots.
It would have been so wonderful if I’d have had at least some of these skills already. That would have been one less thing to worry about among the quite extensive training that I’m doing.
Ropes and knots are very important in firefighting. Having these skills can save lives. No joke.
Firefighters are expected to be able to use these skills to haul tools all over the place, tie things down properly, and most importantly, potentially drag someone out of a bad situation. That’s how critical rope and knot skills are.
A rope is strongest when it’s totally straight. Any curve or bend in a rope reduces its strength. That’s why firefighters are always looking for the simplest knots that will do the job.
The simpler the knot — the fewer turns and bends in it — makes for a stronger overall rope. Plus, a simpler knot is easier to untie. That is really important in the heat of the moment, no pun intended.
How does one go about learning to tie knots? A lot of people are visual learners. They need to watch something done to see how it works.
If you’re like that, you can go on the internet and see how every knot is made by all kinds of folks. Unfortunately for me, I’m not a visual learner. I can watch somebody tie a knot, but often they do it so fast I just can’t follow it.
I need to have the making of the knot explained to me in clearly defined words. In fact, if someone was able to clearly state how to tie a new knot to me, I’m sure I’d be able to tie it without even having seen what it looks like first. That is just how my brain works.
It’s just like when I ask my harmonica-playing buddies how they did some “rad” technique on the “harp.” They always say, “I don’t know how I do it, I just do it.”
Some guys — farmers, boaters, and firemen, of course — have been working with rope and knots for decades, and it’s just embedded in their muscle memory at this point. That’s great for them, but I still have to learn how to tie these knots efficiently and effectively.
So now I practice guitar-playing and knot-making every day. Good thing I’m retired.
Four knots
Let’s look at the four knots I made in the picture. On the top, attached to the piece of pipe, is the classic clove-hitch knot.
This knot is so versatile, strong, and easy to make that it’s a mainstay in the fire services, and often becomes a part of more complex knots. Once you learn it, you’ll be surprised at how often it comes in handy for tying things down. The clove hitch is a truly great knot.
The second knot from the top is the fireman’s rescue knot. This knot looks like handcuffs. The idea is you can wrap it around someone’s wrists and pull them out of a dangerous area.
That works and it’s something every firefighter is trained to do, but it does put a lot of strain on a person's wrists. From working with computers for 40 years I’m probably pre pre-carpal tunnel in my wrists at this point, so I’m not sure I’d want to be dragged around with this knot.
Fortunately, besides rope, firefighters also carry strong nylon webbing, like the kind used in ratchet straps, which can be wrapped around a person’s torso and under his or her arms. That might be a better way to pull someone out in many cases.
The third knot from the top is a figure eight on a bight. When you are talking about knots, a bight is any big loop. This knot is very easy to tie and untie, strong, and versatile. It can be used to tie things down, haul things up, etc. Another all-around great knot.
The bottom knot in the picture is a sheet bend. A bend is any knot that unites two ropes. This knot is used to tie ropes or cords of different diameters, like a clothesline and a shoelace, together to make a longer one. Very handy.
Teach knots to kids
These are only some of the knots I’m expected to know how to make. Note that it’s one thing to make these knots in the comfort of your living room while drinking a cup of coffee.
The real challenge is to do them in the cold and dark, while wearing thick fireproof gloves, in the heat of the moment. That is why fire-service professionals have to get to the point where rope and knot skills are just muscle memory. Knowing these skills down pat is that important when you’re talking about saving people’s lives.
When you finish making any knot, you should “dress” the knot. This involves making sure all the elements of the knot are in their proper place, all the slack is removed, and the knot is positioned properly.
Then you apply a little pressure to the knot to make sure it’s stable before you ask it to take the full load. If you think at this point that there is a lot to learn about working with ropes and knots, you would be correct.
I didn’t have the good fortune of being involved in scouting at an early age, so I’m having to learn rope and knot skills for the first time now.
This got me thinking: Why aren’t these kinds of valuable life skills taught to kids in grade school as a matter of course?
Rope and knot skills are really, really handy to have. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just made a big, nasty mess of a knot to tie something down that was inherently weak — too many turns — and impossible to untie.
How I wish I’d have learned these skills when I was younger. All kids, not just the ones who have the benefit of being in scouting, should be taught these skills, period. There is no reason “knot” to, haha.
I always say that, when I volunteer for anything, I get more out of it than I put into it. Doing volunteer firefighting has opened up the fascinating world of ropes and knots to me in a big way. Fantastic.
Just about my entire family recently went to Florida to get some fun in the sun and hang out with the grandkids. This means I had to “batch it” for two whole weeks.
I couldn’t join everyone at the big beach rental house because I’m heavily involved in volunteer firefighter training these days. I did go last year, and I’ll probably go next year, but for now, duty calls.
So, bachelor life for me for two whole weeks. What a change after 38 years of marriage.
I actually have a lot of things to keep me busy all year round, but especially in the winter. So with my wife gone I had a lot of time for practicing guitar, ordering motorcycle parts, and fixing things around the house.
I was able to read several books which is always good, and even try out a few recipes. A good bachelor tip: Even when cooking for one, cook the entire recipe. Then you have leftovers for some other nights. Cook, make a mess, clean, and eat. Then for the other nights just eat. Gotta love that.
What about laundry while my better half was gone? Good question.
Rather than try and figure out the whole process, I just stretched out the time I would wear my pants, T-shirts, etc. By changing less often, I was able to go the entire two weeks without doing laundry.
“But Frank,” you ask, “you did at least wash the sheets on the bed, didn’t you?”
No, I did not. Me and the bedbugs got along perfectly fine the entire time, thank you very much.
I did vacuum and mop the floor, so it’s not like I’m a total slouch. I figure, I do the cars and motorcycles, the house repair, and the outside work. She gets the bills and the laundry. We share the cooking. Works for me.
So everything was going fine during my two-week-long bachelor sojourn when, very faintly, I started to hear some crying. I stopped in my tracks to really listen, and sure enough, it was the sound of someone crying.
Right away, I got my phone out to see if somehow I had some kind of inane cat video playing. But that wasn’t it. So then I walked around the house to try and find out where the crying was coming from.
Then I found it: The crying sound was coming from the garage. I went in, and there was my wife’s Honda Insight, having a total meltdown:
“Waagh, waagh, waagh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I miss Charlotte! Boohoohoo!”
“Hey, I miss her too, but suck it up. She’ll be back soon.”
“I really miss her! Sobsobsob.”
“Look, I miss having the three of us in bed at night, but she has to be allowed to vacation with the grandkids.”
“What do you mean, three of you in bed? Is something going on that I don’t know about?”
“No, just that I miss having the three of us in bed at night: Charlotte, me, and my CPAP hose. Now it’s just me and my hose, all alone, and, if that sounds pretty bad, let me assure you it’s even worse.”
“Yeah, that does sound pathetic.”
“Still, you don’t see me crying and coming all undone like you.”
“But I miss how she drives me.”
“Oh yeah? I kind of got the feeling that she spends so much time running all over creation doing errands and whatnot that you were getting sick of her.”
“Not at all. For one thing, she drives very carefully. In fact, did you know she was Driver of the Year in high school?”
“Yes, I’ve been told that numerous times. Mostly after I cut someone off or tailgate, haha.”
“So you already know how she drives. She never speeds, she never tailgates, and she always has either the classical station or the Christian station on the radio. Oh, how I miss her! BooHooHoo, sobsobsob!”
“Look, I feel your pain. How about I take you out for a ride today? There’s supposed to be a new Chick-Fil-A in the area. Let’s go there for lunch and see what all the hype’s about.”
“No.”
“No? What do you mean, no? I’m offering to take you on a nice ride to a nice place for lunch. What’s wrong with that?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Yes, I really do?”
“Promise you won’t get mad?”
“For Pete’s sake, what could a 2019 Honda Insight possibly say to me to get me mad?”
“OK, then. I don’t want you driving me for three reasons. One, you drive too fast. Two, you play my radio too loud. And three, worst of all, you pass too much gas, and I don’t mean driving by gas stations, either.”
“Ouch. Let’s go through them one by one. Truly, I don’t drive nearly as fast as I used to, but I certainly drive faster than Charlotte, so you’ve got me there. As for the radio, what are you supposed to do when ZZ Top comes on? Rock ’n’ roll, baby! As for the gas thing, all I can say is, when people get older their digestive systems don’t always work the way they used to.”
“You’re telling me! Half the time I’m dying here!”
“Please forgive me. I’m trying a new fiber supplement that I hope will solve this particular problem.”
“Listen, I didn’t mean to upset you. I actually like it when you do my oil changes. Not only do you take the time to warm up my engine so the old oil gets nice and hot and flows out easily, but you always put rubber protection on my CV joint boots so they’ll last longer and keep my delicate joints in great shape. Not even dealerships or quickie lube joints do that during an oil change.”
“Glad you appreciate it. You actually have given Charlotte great service over the years, so it’s an honor to take care of you.”
“I just hope she comes back home soon.”
“You and me both. Now stop crying and let’s go grab some chicken for lunch.”
“You did take that fiber supplement?”
“Yes.”
“OK, let’s go.”
Bachelor life for a couple of weeks during the dead of winter while everyone parties in Florida is all right by me. It’s cold, I’m old, but, for at least a little while, I get to be bold. Rock on!
Everyone likes wood. It’s beautiful to look at, feels good to the touch, is relatively affordable, and is easy to work with. It even smells good in many cases.
With all that wood has going for it, it’s no wonder woodworking both as a hobby and vocation is so popular. That’s why I find it so odd that there’s never been a woodworking TV show that doesn’t have significant problems.
Let’s start with “New Yankee Workshop.” This one featured Norm Abram, who was originally on “This Old House” with Bob Vila, the very first home renovation show.
Norm is a nice enough guy and no doubt a master carpenter, but his show always disappointed me for two reasons:
— 1. His large, well lit, heated shop was so big and full of every possible hand and power tool that I was always left with a huge feeling of envy every time I saw the show; and
— 2. Norm always seemed to favor power tools whenever he could use them, even when something simpler would have worked just as well.
I guess if you have a lot of land, money, and skill you can be like Norm, but for a regular guy like me, watching it made me feel like I was just too far down the totem pole to get anything from it.
Then there was “The Woodwright’s Shop” with Roy Underhill. This is like the polar opposite of “New Yankee Workshop.” Where Norm was all about big and modern, Roy was totally old school — no power tools whatsoever and just a small, crowded shop that looked like a converted garage.
While it’s great that Roy can do everything with hand tools — if the Zombie Apocalypse ever comes and we lose power completely he won’t miss a beat — how can you not at this point use a simple electric drill to make a hole?
Power drills are ubiquitous and have been around forever; they’re in no way hi-tech. I find it hard to believe that even the most strict woodworking purist would have a problem with using a simple electric drill to make a hole.
“New Yankee Workshop” and “The Woodwright’s Shop” are the two granddaddies of woodworking shows, but there have been more recent ones.
“American Woodshop” features Scott Phillips. He uses even more power tools than Norm did. Also, he has a habit of yelling really loudly once the tools start running, which is comical at best and annoying more often.
Then there is “Woodsmith Shop” by the editors of “Woodsmith” magazine. These guys assume you have many expensive power tools as well, but do pull out hand tools when appropriate. They always show you where to get the free plans for what they are building, which is a nice touch.
Curiously, they frequently use a woodworking tool you don’t normally think of as a woodworking tool — double-sided tape. Based on the amount of it they use, I should add stock in 3M to my investment portfolio.
A newer woodworking show is “The Garage with Steve Butler.” He’s a New England guy who does basic woodworking with standard hand and power tools that anyone might have.
The problem is some of the things he does are downright dangerous. I’ve contacted him on social media. He says he knows he does this, but sometimes just gets in a hurry. They really should put a disclaimer on this show. Never, ever sacrifice safety to save time. Never.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to come off like I totally dislike all these shows. I love woodworking and the fact that these shows serve to bring it to a large audience is of course a good thing.
My only complaint is they don’t seem to be intended for so-called “normal” guys or gals. What do I mean by that? Well, a normal woodworker:
— Might have only a crowded garage or basement to work in that he or she has to share with other members of the family;
— Would have some basic tools like drills, hand saws, maybe even a table saw, but certainly not every tool that is available no matter the cost like most of these shows imply;
— Would have some basic skills, maybe learned from a shop class or by reading books, but is never going to build some huge fancy whatever like they often show without doing a lot of smaller projects first over many, many years of trial and error.
You might argue that there are folks who have all the tools and the skills and find these shows too simplistic. I’d counter that, if they have that many tools and have that much skill, they shouldn’t be watching these shows anyway. They should be out in the shop building stuff.
One thing the power-tool oriented shows do that is especially annoying is show the host using a power tool to cut some wood, like that in itself is somehow enlightening. The thing is, once the machine is set up to make the cut, you can use the tool to cut one or a hundred boards and they’ll all come out the same.
So it’s not the actual cutting we need to see; pushing a board through a tool is the easy part. It’s how you set up and adjust the tool to make the cut that we need to have explained. The set-up is where the magic happens, yet they never show it.
Mostly it’s a matter of trying the cut over and over on scrap until you get it just right. They probably figure that would be boring and they’d lose viewers. But for anyone who knows anything at all about woodworking, it’s more boring to watch a guy shove a board through a table saw for the thousandth time. So frustrating. All these shows need to do a lot better in this area.
What we really need is a show that assumes the viewer has just average woodworking skills and only owns common tools that any interested woodworker or homeowner would be sure to have. Once you get into big, heavy, expensive tools like planers, jointers, and bandsaws you just about take the normal guys who are still working full-time and raising a family out of it.
Those are all large, expensive tools that take a real commitment to buy, learn how to use safely, and find room for. Maybe the retired guys with a lot of time and, hopefully, money are happy with the current shows, but I’ll bet if there were a show for less fortunate woodworkers a lot more people would be into woodworking.
Of course, these days you can go on YouTube and find someone building anything you can think of, but they might not be doing it correctly or safely. You pays your money and you takes your chances, as they say.
I’ve watched a bunch of these videos and many of them should have the disclaimer “don’t try this at home” flashing in bright red at the bottom. Again, be careful any time you’re working with tools. It’s supposed to be fun and you most certainly want to avoid getting injured.
When there’s a woodworking TV show about a guy who builds a nice Shaker cabinet in his driveway using only basic tools and a couple of saw horses I’ll be really impressed.
We haven’t checked the “Ask Cranky Frankie” mailbox in a while. Let’s see what the mailman has for us today.
Dear Cranky Frankie:
I keep hearing the word “abomination” lately. It’s all over the place. Everything all of a sudden is an abomination. It’s used so often and in so many different contexts that I’m not even sure what an abomination is anymore. Can you help?
Becoming Utterly Bemused
Dear BUB:
Here are three examples of what an abomination is:
— Pineapple on pizza (this really should be a felony, or at least a misdemeanor);
— Taking a classic jam like “In A Gadda Da Vida” by Iron Butterfly or “Light my Fire” by The Doors and chopping it up into a three-minute mess for pop radio; and
— Having a disturbingly high-pitched woman on a high rotation TV ad speak in “uptalk,” where every sentence is a question, so much that you literally have to mute the commercial every time it comes on? I mean it’s so bad? It’s just too bad I can’t stand it? You know what I mean?
****
Dear Cranky Frankie:
I realize the need for constipation medicines, I really do. But why does every constipation commercial have to end with the person dancing euphorically after the product does its job? Isn’t there anyone writing these commercials who can think of other ways to indicate the thankful sense of relief after a long-awaited successful bowel movement?
Feeling Ultimately Low and Lost
Dear FULL:
I know what you mean. If I were in advertising, I would not pay the person who said, “and then, after she poops, let’s show her dancing!” What a joke. Here are some ways I’d like to see a long-awaited successful trip to the bathroom depicted:
— A full-on, top-of-the-lungs, deep-throated all-out shout, like when your team makes the playoffs (“Oh Yeeaaahhhhh!”);
— A sly wink of the eye while sipping a nice beverage; or
— A cartwheel, followed by a jump, followed by a split (and I’d sure buy the medicine that allowed me to do all that without serious injury, haha).
****
Dear Cranky Frankie:
I love the thought of long car trips with my husband. It seems to me that, because it’s just the two of us, it’s the perfect time to really open up to each other and share our most intimate and personal thoughts. What a great way to get even closer!
Yet my husband insists on listening to the radio when we’re in the car. He can listen to anything: music, news, talk, etc. It never ends. There always has to be something coming out of the speakers! How can I let the most important man in my life know that I relish the thought of deep, meaningful conversations while driving, mile after thoughtful, soul-searching mile?
Wondering, Often Not Knowing
Dear WONK:
Can you repeat that? I was changing the station, sorry.
****
Dear Cranky Frankie:
My husband keeps taking my good towels and using them to soak up spills, clean the floor, etc. I keep telling him we have boxes of rags to use for things like that.
He doesn’t seem to get it, though. He’s always using my good towels to clean really dirty, awful things! How can I get him to stop this annoying and destructive behavior?
Praying for Energetic yet Responsible Husband Control
Dear PERCH:
Let me get this straight: You have a husband who does actual cleaning, and you’re complaining? Give me a break! You don’t know how lucky you have it, girl.
Here’s what to do: Put the rags in the spot where the “good” towels are. Then, when he wants to, unbelievably, clean something on his own, he’ll grab a rag and be good to go. By the way, what are “good” towels, anyway? A towel is a towel, period. You’re welcome.
****
Dear Cranky Frankie:
Does this dress make me look fat?
Not Only Wondering, Also Yearning
Dear NOWAY:
There is no good answer to this question, so let’s just move on.
****
Dear Cranky Frankie:
I’ve got this pain in my neck. It’s killing me. Right here. No, not there. Here. Yes, that’s it.
Like a stabbing, shooting pain when my neck is in this position. No, not like that, like this. Ouch! Holy Mother of God! What a pain in the neck, literally. What can I do?
Hurts, And Hurts Again
Dear HAHA:
Consider this: No number from 1 to 999 inclusive has the letter “a” in its printed word form. Have you ever even considered that? And here you are worried about your neck.
****
Dear Cranky Frankie:
Why are so-called “broadsheet” newspapers like The New York Times so popular? For one thing, they are so physically large that it’s hard to use them, even spread out on a table. Then there’s trying to read them on a train or a bus. You spend more time folding them creatively just to follow a story than actually reading the story.
Finally, stories are never continued on the next page, but often dozens of pages later. By the time you get to the page where the story is continued, you’ve moved on to something else. It’s terrible. Yet broadsheets are pervasive in the newspaper industry. Why does printing newspapers in this ridiculously large format continue?
Bothered Utterly Regarding Printing
Dear BURP:
It takes a real man — or woman — to handle a broadsheet on the bus or subway. Back in the day, it was a rite of passage for commuters everywhere. Now with everyone zoned out on their phones all day I fear broadsheet-reading skills may be lost forever. No worries, though: All that paper still comes in handy for lining the birdcage and lighting the barbecue.
****
Dear Cranky Frankie:
Is Dusty Springfield the greatest female singer of all time?
Perusing Other Performers Sonically
Dear POPS:
None other than Sir Elton John had this to say about the iconic and timeless Dusty Springfield: “I’m biased, but I just think she was the greatest white singer there ever has been.”
Here, here, old man, I’m down with that.
All I know is whenever I hear “I Only Want to Be With You,” “The Look of Love,” “You don’t Have to Say You Love Me,” “Son of a Preacher Man,” and so many more of her hits, I know that there may be other singers as good as Dusty, but there was no one better.
“Anyone Who Had a Heart” would certainly agree with me I’m sure. Long live the great Dusty Springfield!
****
Dear Cranky Frankie:
My son was in his room when it was time for lunch. I wanted to bring him a wrap, but he was blasting rap, which to me sounds like crap, so I gave the door a slap.
I said “come out, Jack.”
He said, “Chill out, Mack!”
I just about snapped, so I left the wrap. That’s life in this flat. Oh drat! One time he even spat. I thought that was that. Oh, snap! It’s not fun, but he’s my son, so what can I do to not be so blue?
Blasting Urban Rock Non-Stop
Dear BURN:
I don’t know about your son, but I think you just wrote a pretty good hip-hop song. If you need an agent, let me know.
****
Dear Cranky Frankie:
I want to learn Mandarin. Can you please help?
Yearning Often, Yearning Openly
Dear YOYO:
I sure can help you learn Mandarin. To begin, go to the produce section of your favorite supermarket. Look for orange mesh bags, or even little wooden boxes, filled with Mandarins. When you get your Mandarin home, you have to peel it.
Usually you can do this with your fingers if you are careful, but keep a knife handy just in case. Once you remove the rind, you should carefully remove as much of the white stringy stuff as you can.
You can then enjoy your Mandarin just as it is, but if you feel a little daring and crazy, here’s a tip: Mandarins make colorful accouterments for those otherwise ordinary weeknight side salads. Learning Mandarin is not only easy, but tasty and fun as well. Bon appetit!
****
That’s all for now, faithful readers. Keep those great questions coming in.
“Say goodnight, Cranky Frankie.”
“Goodnight, Cranky Frankie.”
As one of the newest members of the Guilderland Fire District, I have a lot to learn. Yet even in the short couple of months I’ve been a volunteer firefighter, I’ve experienced so much. Here, in no particular order, are the top 10 things I’ve learned so far.
— Serving is a privilege
Even though it’s volunteer, it’s still a privilege to serve as a volunteer firefighter. When you are wearing the turnout gear, riding in the truck, or participating in a drill, you represent the district. It is only fair to the taxpayers to show them you are responsible with how you act, how you take care of the equipment, and how seriously you take the responsibility.
Fortunately, the level of commitment at GFD is through the roof. I’m extremely proud to serve with such dedicated men and women. Still, I don’t take the opportunity I’ve been given lightly, and I hope my upcoming training goes well;
— Size matter
Everything in firefighting is big and heavy. The trucks, or “apparatus,” are humongous. The clothes are tough, thick, and heavy. The Jaws of Life (the portable electric one, there is a hydraulic one as well) weighs 55 pounds, making it very hard to wield unless you’ve been eating your Wheaties on a daily basis.
Why is everything so big, strong, and robust? Because fighting fires is serious business, obviously. The only way to be prepared for the worst is to have the best equipment, to maintain that equipment, and to train everyone on how to safely and effectively use that equipment. I for one am very glad I live in an area where fire safety, prevention, and first responding is taken so seriously;
— Everything in its place
I like to work on my cars and motorcycles. It’s fun to fix something and get it running again. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to look all over the place for a tool I know I have. It’s so frustrating to waste time like that.
Well, that does not happen at the firehouse. Everything has a place, and everything is constantly verified to be in its place. Part of the “equipment check” we do each week is to make sure every sub-system and tool on each apparatus is there and working properly.
How great is that? When you open a compartment or drawer, you can be certain that what is supposed to be there is actually there. If I could get my garage and tool boxes to be like that, it’d be like hitting Lotto. There is a lot that impresses me about GFD, and organization is at the top of the list;
— Old guys rule
I wondered how, as a retired guy, I’d be able to keep up with the physical demands of firefighting. Some of it is very hard work as you can imagine. I’m starting formal training soon, and I am encouraged by the number of “old guys” who do this kind of work.
Each one of them is testament to eating healthy (most of the time), staying active, and keeping mentally fit. One of my buddies at the firehouse is 72, and exercises for 90 minutes every morning. This guy is tough, reliable, and a pleasure to work with. To see so many guys in their “golden years” remain so physically active is a revelation to me. Age truly is just a number;
— Never go in alone
One night we had a call-out to an adult living community where a carbon-monoxide detector had gone off. This can be deadly. So I stood at the door to the building, and as each of my qualified team members went in, they handed me their badges. This way I knew exactly how many of us were inside a dangerous situation, and how many needed to come back out.
Doing it this way makes sure everyone is accounted for. You never go in alone, anywhere, period. Even so, the SCBA (Self Contained Breathing Apparatus) that class A firefighters wear to provide breathing air contains a feature that, if the firefighter should go down and be still for any length of time, an ear piercing alarm goes off. That way someone else — never go in alone, remember — can attend to him or her. In a way, “never go in alone” is a great metaphor for life;
— Pull your own weight
Let’s face it, in any organization some jobs are better than others. It’s no different in firefighting. Recently I spent seven hours on a cold, dreary December day pumping out basements after a two-day deluge of driving rain. Part of that time was spent clearing out muck, stone, and root-filled drainage ditches with a shovel.
Did I think years ago that hard labor in rotten weather conditions would be part of my retirement? Heck no. But one look at the thanks on the faces of those we helped was all it took to make it all worthwhile. I love being able to directly help my neighbors like this. There is so much volunteer firefighters do besides fighting fires that it’s almost unbelievable. Truly, we are here to help;
— Do tasks the right way
The secret to success is doing the simple things correctly, over and over, until they just become habits. Take fire hoses. There are all kinds and all sizes for specific purposes, I’m learning. Rolling up a hose is an art form. After it’s cleaned and dried, both inside and out, it is tightly rolled up from the male end to protect the delicate threads on the fitting. Rolling it up very tightly, which is a lot harder than it sounds, assures that when it needs to be deployed quickly, it can be quickly rolled out like throwing a bowling ball. And once it’s deployed, it is imperative to get all the kinks out so that full water pressure is assured.
I never would have thought there was so much thought, art, and practice in just dealing with hoses. It has been a revelation to me. Now I won’t ever be able to have a messy or unevenly wound garden hose again;
— Clean your ride
GFD takes pride in maintaining the expensive apparatus that the taxpayers have paid for. Any time there is a dirty truck — even after returning from many hours fighting a fire, pumping out basements, dealing with an auto accident, or whatever — if there is a speck of dirt on that vehicle, we all pitch in and wash it, right in the firehouse.
It’s like a dance with hoses, brushes, squeegees, and chamois. Many hands make short work, and when we’re done we take pride in how clean and sharp everything looks. One of the pickup trucks we have is 11 years old and it looks brand new. It is so gratifying to be part of an organization that takes such pride in maintaining the very expensive equipment that has been provided for us;
— Business is business
There is a very social aspect to firefighting. I’ve made some great friends in my short time at GFD, and we’ve had a lot of laughs together. The men are real “guy’s guys,” the kind you can just hang out with and be yourself. We share jokes and stories and laugh so hard sometimes it hurts. Even the few women we have fit right in and get along with the boys real well.
It’s really fun to have such camaraderie with my co-workers. But, once that call comes in, like a light switch, we go from social to professional in the blink of an eye. Truck assignments are made, turnout gear is donned, and we are out the door. The entire time we are out, we are on it, focusing entirely on the job at hand, until the work is done.
The senior members lead the way, the newcomers help the best we can, and we do what we have to do. I had missed very much being on a team getting things done when I retired. Now I have that feeling again;
— Firefighting is apolitical
Our country is split down the middle politically. This division causes a lot of stress. I abhor culture wars and all this kind of stuff. Undoubtedly, one of the best things about being a volunteer firefighter is that it is totally apolitical.
When we go out on a call, it doesn’t matter what party anyone belongs to, or what religion they are, or anything else. We go out to help, period. Same for police, EMS, and military. We all serve the public the best we can. Being involved in the trenches now, dealing with the public under often terrible circumstances, has given me new respect for uniformed professionals and first responders. To be a part of this great legacy in some small way really makes me feel proud. To all the men and women in uniform: You rock, and thank you for your service.
Any time in my life that I’ve volunteered to do anything, I’ve gotten more out of it than I’ve put into it. Being a volunteer firefighter takes a lot of hard work, training, and dedication, but the satisfaction of working with such great people and directly helping the folks in my community makes it all worthwhile.
As you can imagine, my first few months with the Guilderland Fire Department have been quite interesting and exciting.
Let’s start with the basics of how it works when you respond to a call as a volunteer firefighter. You wear a pager, it goes off, then you open an app on your phone and let them know how long you think it will take you to get to the firehouse.
When you arrive there, you gear up and await your orders. At least that’s how it’s supposed to work. Now let me tell you what happened on my first two “call-outs.”
When the pager went off, I responded on the app. Then I picked out a shirt, found my wallet and keys, and left the house. That was my first mistake.
Then I sped down to the firehouse. That was my second mistake.
At the firehouse, our boots are stored with the pants rolled down around them, the theory being you can then just hop in the boots and then pull up the pants.
I got into the boots and was attempting to pull my pants up when, both times, our big hook-and-ladder truck T-29 (pronounced “tee” “two” “nine” for the benefit of radio communications) pulled out without me. That sucks!
Here is what I’ve learned since then. First, when the pager goes off, you respond on the app and then you are out the door. Don’t pick out a shirt or try to match clothes or anything like that. There are no style points for fighting fires, haha. Just get out the door as fast as you can.
When you leave your house on the way to the firehouse, do not speed or break any traffic laws. Firefighters have been killed while speeding to the firehouse.
If you drive like a maniac, there is a good chance you’ll wind up in an accident. What good is that? Play it safe and get there in one piece. That is the only way to do it.
When you get to the firehouse, you literally jump into your boots and pull your pants up. Then you grab your jacket and put that on while running to the truck (and don’t forget your helmet). You can tighten and adjust things once in the truck.
Getting your gear on fast comes with experience, but that is the gist of it: getting all your gear on in a minute or less. Now let me tell you about my third call-out.
It was a Sunday. My lovely wife, Charlotte, and I had been out all day, first to church in Princetown, then to a cancer fundraiser in Cohoes, followed by dinner with friends in Troy. We got home at about 8 p.m.
I was so tired I was about to go to bed a little after 9 p.m. when the pager went off. The dispatcher mentioned it was a smoke-alarm call.
Now here’s the thing about smoke alarms: They will “chirp” when their batteries get low. It’s their way of letting you know new batteries are needed. But many people call the fire department when any sound comes out of a smoke detector. I’ve done it myself.
Knowing this, I decided to skip responding to this call. As a volunteer firefighter, you have the right to not respond to a call if you wish (you’re tired, you don’t feel good, etc.). So I just went to bed, but I left the pager on.
At approximately 11:20 p.m., the pager went off again. This time, the call was for structure fire, which is the highest priority.
I made it to the firehouse and again missed the first truck leaving but, because of the severity of this call, a second truck was needed, which I got on. One minute, I’m fast asleep in bed; five minutes later I’m in a humongous fire truck blasting up Carman Road with lights flashing and sirens blaring. Wow.
When we got to the fire scene on Lydius Street, it was unreal. This normally quiet part of town looked like a LaGuardia Airport runway lit up at night. The people had gotten out of the house, fortunately, but you could see at least three separate fires going.
My team got assigned to fight the fire in the back of the house, by the attached garage. I ran out into the street with one end of a hose and met a guy from another fire company; there were at least five fire companies there. We hooked the hoses together.
Then the hose got charged with water and we proceeded to attack the garage fire. My job now was to move the hose around the property to give it a straight shot so my teammates could better direct it.
The problem was getting it around all the landscaping features that were there: big shrubs, large concrete urns, play sets, etc. You don’t usually think about fire prevention when laying out your landscaping, but perhaps you should.
By 3 a.m., we’d finished our job. Then I took one end of the hose, put it over my head, and walked the length of the hose to drain it out. Then another guy used what looked like a hair roller on steroids to flatten the hose and drain every last drop of water out.
After that, I got on my knees and proceeded to tightly, and I mean tightly, roll up the hose. Once that was done, I humped it against my chest — it’s very heavy and quite unwieldy — and got it back to the truck.
When we got back to the firehouse, our lower extremities were covered in white foam from the fire scene, so we took turns using a garden hose to spray each other down in the driveway. Then protocol required us to wait for the main apparatus to return to the station. Once they did and we verified all of us and the equipment were OK, we were dismissed.
I got home at 4 a.m. and had my annual physical exam at 7 a.m. My doctor said my blood pressure was unusually high. I said maybe that’s because I was up all night doing firefighting, haha
It took me two days to get my sleep cycle back to normal, but it sure was fun being part of a team and doing something very important for the community. The only real bummer was learning that there was a dog in the house that didn’t make it out. You never want to see that happen.
Now I have to embarrass two of my Guilderland Fire Department teammates. The first is veteran firefighter Don Gaitor. Don has been a volunteer firefighter for 50 years. Fifty years!
Since the only formal training I have received at this point has been about sexual harassment of all things, I have a lot of questions about how to do all that is required for firefighting, safety, and prevention. Don has been the perfect mentor for me.
I call him sometimes twice a day with questions, and he always takes the time to answer clearly and with great detail. I’m so glad to have him as a go-to resource for such a big responsibility that I take very seriously. Couldn’t ask for a better mentor than Don.
I don’t know about you but I always thought of firefighters as men, yet we actually have a few female volunteer firefighters at GFD. One of them is Elizabeth MacDonald.
I know enough from buying gifts for my wife over the years that Liz would be considered “petite,” but don’t let her small stature throw you. She is as tough as nails.
The other night, all the “Class A” firefighters — the ones who have been trained and certified to run into burning buildings — did a very physical drill. It involved seven difficult tasks, like dragging a simulated unconscious body around with a harness, and lifting heavy bags of tools up and down stairs.
These seven tasks had to be done as sets, five times each, all while wearing SCBA (Self Contained Breathing Apparatus) and trying not to run out of air. When Liz was done, she pulled off her face mask and it looked like she was ready for another round.
Not only is she very tough, but she kids around like one of the guys. The other day, we were talking about the team-like feeling around the firehouse.
“It even smells like a gym locker,” she quipped.
Liz has a great personality, is full of energy, and is beautiful as well. What an honor it is to work with such a strong, capable woman.
All I know is, when we’re driving to a fire scene and Don or Liz are in the truck with me, I know they have my back and everyone else’s as well. I truly hope that someday I can learn to be as proficient, professional, and dependable as they are. It will take a lot of training and experience to get there, but I’m up for it.
You know, superhero movies are all the rage these days. Everyone likes to see powerful heroes take down the bad guys.
But just go into any volunteer firehouse and you’ll find actual living and breathing superheroes: our friends, relatives, and neighbors, just ordinary people, who for no pay do tons of training and get up at all hours of the night to make sure we’re covered in case the worst happens. How awesome is that?
Becoming a volunteer firefighter with the Guilderland Fire Department has been an incredibly immersive and satisfying experience. While I certainly wish I had done it sooner, I know it’s never too late to be great.