Ghost bikes and roadside shrines

Many years ago, an energetic young lady — a budding entrepreneur with a growing business — was killed while riding her bicycle early one morning by the University at Albany uptown campus on Western Avenue.

The story resonated locally for a long time. A bright flame extinguished at such a young age. I used to drive right by the corner where it happened every day during my commute to and from work.

Not long after the accident, a white bicycle appeared on the corner where the accident occurred. It was chained to a road sign, and adorned with flowers and floral garlands.

Clearly someone wanted to memorialize this lady’s life, in a very public way. I’ve since learned that bicycles installed at accident scenes are called ghost bikes. I’m not sure I like the idea.

I know the folks who install these memorials are suffering from the intense grief caused by the loss of a loved one. That’s understandable.

But let’s look at it from another perspective. Once a ghost bike gets installed, everyone who walks, rides, or drives past it gets reminded of a horrible tragedy.

In my case, I had to think about that girl’s death twice a day for months if not years. Is that mentally healthy for those of us forced to look at it? How can it be?

OK, Frank, stop being such a whiner. Find another way to get to work. For me that would have been Washington Avenue Extension, right past Walmart and Home Depot.

So I switched to that route, even though I would have preferred staying on Western Avenue. Not long after, another bicyclist was killed right at the entrance to those stores. Can you guess what happened next?

Another ghost bike appeared there, right where I got to see it, again, twice a day. I like being reminded of lots of things: my beautiful wife, my wonderful kids and grandkids, terrific motorcycle rides, etc. One thing I don’t like being reminded of is horrible traffic accidents.

Inevitably, whoever installs the ghost bike, over time, either loses interest in maintaining it or can’t keep up with the maintenance for some reason. What maintenance you ask? Keeping up the flowers and decorations, for one.

But the bicycle tires soon go flat, and then the steel parts start to rust. Before you know it, the bicycle looks like crap. Then, one day, it’s gone. Is that the way to properly memorialize someone? By letting their memorial get all rotted out until it has to be removed because it’s such an eyesore?

My cousin lives on a busy corner in Maspeth, Queens. It’s a very tight and congested neighborhood, but all the houses are well maintained.

One time, there was a car accident right on the corner in front of her house. People died.

Not long after, the victims’ families started having Saturday night prayer services right on the corner. They’d pray, sing, and leave candles and flowers. This went on for, if you can believe it, years, before it finally stopped.

Can you imagine having a weekly memorial service right in front of your living room window for such a long time? What are people thinking?

We all grieve differently. I think about my deceased parents every single day, yet I don’t run around in a funk. I know I don’t visit the cemetery as often as I should. But they are in my mind constantly.

I’ll bet, if you could ask them, they would say to go ahead and keep on living, trying to do good things and be a responsible husband, parent, and neighbor. To try to be happy. And to remember them.

The last thing they would want is some kind of public shrine. They would be livid if I did something like that.

My father was a veteran, so both my parents are buried in the Gerald Solomon National Cemetery in Saratoga. When you go there, you can’t help but feel awed and reverent for how our brave men and women who have served our country are memorialized.

The place is beautiful, serene, and well maintained. This is how you remember people: in a proper cemetery, where they can rest in peace. Not with a rusting bicycle or makeshift shrine at an accident scene.

Some people like to take their dear departed’s ashes and spread them in a meaningful place. Oceans and mountains seem to be very popular for this kind of remembrance.

I’ve always said I want to be cremated, and then have my ashes put in the gas tank of my motorcycle while one of my buddies rides my bike up scenic Route 30 in the Adirondacks. But with my luck, I’d just clog the fuel filter and cause a breakdown, haha.

I’m seeing accident shrines more and more these days. On the highways, on the back roads, etc. Sometimes it’s flowers, or it may be a sign, or something else from the deceased person’s life.

I hope this trend doesn’t go much further. Churches and cemeteries are great places to mourn. Out on a blind curve in the middle of nowhere? Not so much.

I don’t like seeing more and more ghost bikes and roadside shrines in my travels. I like it better when we grieve in appropriate places, or just in our minds.

Bicycling is a great way to get and stay in shape. It’s so much fun, and it can even be a way to go green and commute. But bicycling is very, very dangerous.

One of my best friends was Mark Fiato, who owned Taco Pronto on Western Avenue. He was killed in the prime of his life on a bicycle. I think about him and the three beautiful daughters he left behind all the time.

How come something so good for us and the environment has to be so dangerous? I’d love to see dedicated bicycle lanes all over the place. One thing we can all do is refuse to text, watch movies, or drink while driving. The stakes are too high to do anything less.

My wife is big into grief. What I mean is she has seen a lot of her friends, as well as her mother, pass away. She genuinely mourns deeply for these folks.

Fortunately, she found a great group to help her, called Grief Share, which can be found at www.griefshare.org/. I’ve talked to her friends who participate in it, and they all love it.

One widow told me it was like finally finding the right way to remember her dear departed husband. Again, I don’t grieve like most people — I choose to move on with fond memories — but if you are suffering from the loss of a loved one, give Grief Share a try. I have heard nothing but good things about it.

Ghost bikes and roadside shrines are well intentioned, but there are better ways of remembering our loved ones. How about donating that bicycle to a needy kid instead? I’m sure your dear departed loved one would be very happy if you did something that nice in his or her memory.