The end of May was on a Tuesday and the Old Men of the Mountain met at the Middleburgh Diner in Middleburgh.
There was one OMOTM not there and it was this scribe. This was known in advance so a substitute roll-caller was asked if he would gather all the chickens in the coop and let this scribe know so he could protect the innocent by having the roll call at the end of the column.
The stand-in OMOTM said he could do this and he performed the task in spades. This scribe received not only the names that attended the breakfast but many of those who did not, all on a spreadsheet. This scribe doesn’t even know how to make a spreadsheet. Like we keep reminding everyone, there are many talents in this group of OFs.
None of what follows happened at the breakfast at the Middleburgh Diner. This scribe used his little blue book where he takes notes and he made use of notes in this report that have not been included in reports from breakfasts in the past. This scribe does not take the conversations or names and place them on a spreadsheet — he scribbles them in a little cheap pocket spiral notebook.
Some of these notes are as terse as just two words and, when this scribe gets home and tries to put these words to a conversation, there is much consternation when nothing comes to mind that will tie these words into what was said. Unfortunately, now they just become wasted words because this scribe can’t remember them and so can’t use them to form a conversation and report on what was said; these exchanges might have been some of the cleverest discussions of the whole morning.
Big ears and noses
Wrinkles! The OFs have discussed wrinkles before, but the big ears and noses that accompany getting old is a note scribbled on this scribe’s cheap note pad, but not included in a previous column. The OFs did not complain about their ears getting larger because the process is so slow that early on it’s hardly noticeable.
Now some of the OFs in their middle to high eighties notice how large their ears are, and they wonder if the ear stays the same and the face gets so wrinkled that it shrinks. One OF mentioned that, if he kept on practicing wiggling his ears, he could probably now be able to flap them and fly.
Another OF said he did not really notice his until he was shaving one day and said his ears reminded him of Dumbo (the elephant).
Even with the larger ears on the outside, the inside seems to do the opposite and shrink because many of the OFs have to use hearing aids. This bit of information has been reported many times because this is one invention that seems to work at certain times and at other times hearing aids only seem to make the situation worse.
One OF said it is not only his ears that looked larger but his nose was wide enough to use as a hangar and park a small plane in it. To go along with the size was the lament that breathing wasn’t any easier. As a matter of fact, the OF said his outsized nose now was even plugged up more, and he went through a box of tissues in a week.
This scribe checked out information about the nose and ears growing as we age. This really doesn’t happen — it is just gravity, like the OFs’ butts and guts. Gravity takes over because the cartilage relaxes as we age.
So the big ears and noses that are already with us are neatly packed with youth, then age takes over and all that youth tightness just sags. The OFs will just have to live with it; there is no exercise or magic pill that is going to hold back gravity. The OFs are just going to have to get used to big ears and large noses and watch out when shaving that these larger appendages are not nicked in the process.
Those OFs that made it to the Middleburgh Diner in Middleburgh (and this scribe has no idea how they got there) for this report were: Roger Chapman, Robie Osterman, Miner Stevens, George Washburn, Don Wood, Glenn Patterson, Bill Lichliter, Roger Schafer, Harold Guest, Mace Porter, Jack Norray, Gerry Irwin, Lou Schenck (Thank You Lou), Art Frament, Ted Willsey, Jim Rissacher, Mike Willsey, Gerry Chartier, Elwood Vanderbilt, Richard Vanderbilt, Chuck Aelesio, Duncan Bellinger, Joe Bender, Warren Willsey and guest Danielle, Harold Grippen, and not me.
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— Photo by John R. Williams
Simple pleasures: Kim’s West Winds Diner in Preston Hollow provides outdoor seating where some of The Old Men of the Mountain enjoy the spring weather. Next time they visit the eatery, some of them plan to bring fishing poles.
On Tuesday, May 24, the Old Men of the Mountain met at Kim’s West Winds Diner in Preston Hollow. Kim’s sits practically in the Catskill Creek because this creek flows so close to the back of the diner.
On a tree on the bank of the creek about 30 feet from the diner, at the edge of the of the diner’s parking lot, is a small sign the reads “Fishing Permitted.” When fish is ordered at the diner, it should be fresh. Creeks are fun and quite romantic until they flood; then they become angry torrents.
Some of the OFs lingered as they left the restaurant and enjoyed the early morning hours at the tables outside the diner. They discussed many topics while listening to the sounds of the creek as it is wending its way to the Hudson.
Ah! Some of the simple pleasures of being retired. At this age, the OFs are not wasting time chasing women, running off to play ball, or just going to work. The OFs are out enjoying what God has put here for the OFs’ pleasure.
No longer naïve
As usual, at the table Tuesday morning, much of the discussion centered around what the OFs did when they were working, even prior to that, or in the military. Some of the OFs mentioned how life is different in larger cities and how most of them found this out while in the military.
The Hilltown OFs did not realize how naïve they were, nor how poor they were, until they ran into these guys. One OF said that at home no one locked their doors, or locked their cars, but in the service this one OF said you had to put your shoes on fast or others would steal the socks right off your feet. These experiences are carried over till this day.
Another OF mentioned that his experiences in the military ran along the same lines and originally caused a camaraderie between the city folk banding together and the country folk doing the same. The OF said it took awhile before the country folk and city folk could sort each other out, and friendships began to develop across the city-country cultures.
However, this OF said that to him the tag of “country hick” stuck with many of the hay foot-straw foots even after many of the country boys turned out to be better soldiers, sailors, or marines, than the city slickers.
Stereotypes are earned
Stereotypes, they are traits that are earned!
For instance, the Welsh can sing, the Irish can fight, the French can love and cook, and the Spanish can paint. The Italians can cook but, unlike the French, love is not what they are noted for — all they can do, so the stereotype goes, is pinch.
However, we all know a Welshman that can’t sing a note, an Irishman that won’t fight, a Spaniard that can’t draw a straight line, an Italian that can’t boil water or won’t pinch even if the opportunity presented itself, and a Frenchman — well, maybe that one is hard to top. The OFs think all French are good at their designated stereotype.
Applying the past to the present
The OFs talked about taking the experiences they accrued over their lifetime so far and applying it to how they live life today.
One OF thought his mind hasn’t changed much, but there are certain things he did “back then” that he does do differently today, while another OF said he can’t remember how he did it “back then”; he only knows how he does it today. This OF claimed he does not dwell on the past; he claims today is all that counts.
Then the other OFs said, “Well, how did you know how to do what you do today if you didn’t do some version of it ‘back then’ and altered it?”
The OF retorted, “If you clutter your pea-pickin’ brain up with all the way-back-whens, it gets in the way of learning anything new. I am not going to be an OF that says, ‘Well, that ain’t how we used to do it.’ Forget how we used to do it, do it the way it is done today, so there!”
Another OF said, “I agree with that OF who says it’s not the way we used to do it. If the key to start the car is always on the righthand side of the wheel, don’t go sticking it on the left. I had enough trouble learning that to dim the headlights when I didn’t have to push a little button on the floor between the clutch and the brake.”
Yet another OF said, “Hey, you still holler, ‘Whoa!’ and pull on the steering wheel when you go to stop your truck.”
To which one more OF interjected, “We get too young stupid, and too old smart.”
Those OFs who made it to Kim’s West Winds Diner in Preston Hollow (and when Kim’s restaurant’s time comes again in the OFs’ rotation of fine eating establishment, they are going to bring their fishing poles) were: Dave Williams, Harold Grippen, Roger Chapman, Miner Stevens, Robie Osterman, Don Wood, George Washburn, Bill Lichliter, Roger Shafer, Otis Lawyer, Mark Traver, Lou Schenck, Art Frament, Mace Porter, Wayne Gaul, Gerry Irwin, Ted Willsey, Jim Rissacher, Pete Whitbeck, Mike Willsey, Gerry Chartier, Elwood Vanderbilt, Jess Vadney, Harold Grippen, Harold N. Guest Jr., and me.
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It’s Tuesday May 17, and it’s me again Margret (heh-heh-heh) with the weekly report of the Old Men of the Mountain.
On May 17, the Old Men of the Mountain were as high as they get at any restaurant they visit because the restaurant was the Hilltown Café in Rensselaerville. As usual, the OMOTM have their morning greetings and weather reports, and this morning it was mentioned that not many of the OFs had ventured out the past week because of the wind, and the fact that they were cold.
The OFs bet that the hummingbirds that have returned wish they stayed down south a tad longer.
This is a continuation of one of the discussions of the Tuesday prior (really many Tuesdays) only this further dialogue delved into other things besides just cars, tractors, and trucks.
This chatting was the lack of being able to work on, and repair, many appliances that the OFs used to repair with common household tools. Parts for the appliances could be bought at the hardware store or where the appliance was purchased.
It used to be (what a worn-out phrase but true) the OF could put brushes in an electric motor or power tool, or change a trigger, or replace a lead. Now the OFs can’t even find the screws to take the things apart.
One OF said the reason they can’t find the screws is because there aren’t any — a lot of these appliances and tools (once the innards are done) are encased in plastic; there is no way to take them apart. So then you can just chuck it in the trash can.
Raise the hood of a car, and the OFs say they need $10,000 worth of special tools just to get at what needs repair. The backyard mechanic is long gone.
To work on just about any small appliance today, the OFs say it is necessary to apprentice somewhere, go to a factory training school, or attend BOCES to learn how to do appliance maintenance or repair.
One OF had a new energy-efficient furnace installed with a small stack that was just warm to the touch when the furnace was running. The original oil man looked at it and said, “Don’t call me to fix this thing. It looks like a TV set inside that cover.”
The OF said it used to be (note the phrase) that he could put a new nozzle on the burner and adjust the air by himself; now half the repairmen who come have to call in an expert even when they are supposed to be heating and air-conditioning technicians themselves.
One OF said that many small appliances, and economically priced tools are not meant to be repaired — they are throw-aways.
Another OF said that goes for cars, too. Some of the upholstered roller skates they call automobiles these day are throw-aways. It costs more to fix them than the car cost.
NEAT dinner is really neat
Some of the OFs live alone, like many seniors, and they travel around to find meals that are cheap or free.
One they find particularly good is the NEAT (Not Eating Alone Tonight) dinner at the Reformed Church in Berne. According to the OFs, the NEAT dinner is really neat and they look forward to that one on the third Monday of the month.
This scribe did a little follow-up on this and found that the meal is served at 5 p.m., and requires a phone call to say you are coming. That phone call is really appreciated. They have room for 95 people, and it is just one setting.
This meal is by donation. If you can afford it, drop something in the bucket; if not don’t worry about it, that is really what the meal is for.
Brother’s keeper
Walking to school: Here is a topic one can only appreciate if you are of a certain age. The OFs go back a ways (1930s to ’40s) to when the Hilltowns were dotted with one-room school houses and the OFs had to walk to school.
One OF said that, on his way to school in the springtime, the swamp on the side of the road would fill up with the spring rains and snow runoff, then the swamp would cover the road. This OF said his older brother would carry him and his other siblings through the swamp. The older brother went to school wet while all his brothers were nice and dry.
Some OFs were picked up by horse and wagon and sleighs in the wintertime, and some trudged their way two miles or so to go to school.
Back then, most of the one-room schools also had only one outhouse, so LGBT was not a problem — just lock the door. Also back then, not many bothered locking the doors; they were farm kids and nature was natural to them.
The outhouses did not have heat either so there was no lingering when you got permission to go to the privy in the wintertime. There was no running water either; there were hand pumps with a bucket and a dipper. Some teachers gave the job of getting water from a creek to various students.
In the wintertime, some students were also given the job to go to school early to start the fire, and make sure the ice was broken if the water were frozen. No wonder many OFs look at the kids of today and say, “What a pampered bunch.”
One OF mentioned one winter was so bad that the school was held at his house for about two weeks. The house was on flat ground and the teacher and the kids could get that far. No snow days back then.
But now, when the OFs go to the hospital, they want the best of the “pampered bunch” to go and grab his laser to operate on the OFs back even if the doctor performing the operation isn’t old enough to shave. Go figure.
Those OFs who made it through their one-room schoolhouse days and who found their way to the Hilltown Café in Rensselaerville in their late-model chariots were: Miner Stevens, Roger Chapman, Robie Osterman, Bill Lichliter, Harold Guest, Ted Willsey, Karl Remmers, Bob Snyder, Lou Schenck, Gerry Irwin, Mace Porter, Otis Lawyer, Chuck Aelesio, Glenn Patterson, Jim Rissacher, Art Frament, Bill Rice, Henry Whipple, Elwood Vanderbilt, Richard Vanderbilt, Gerry Chartier, Mike Willsey, Harold Grippen, and me.
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It is May 10, and it is a Tuesday, and any old man worth his salt is at the Old Men of the Mountain breakfast at the Home Front Café in Altamont.
Except for the cold, the OMOTM had clear driving on their way to the Home Front; however, some of the OFs had early morning temperatures in the low twenties. That will get your attention, especially in mid May. (Almost).
The OFs being just that — OFs — were youngsters during the Great Depression (1929 to 1939). Those whose parents were farmers got along (for the most part) pretty well. Most were poor but didn’t know it because everyone else was poor by today’s standards.
A couple of the OFs never even knew there was a depression because their parents had pretty good jobs during the whole event.
One OF said his relatives made marine engines out of Harley engines and these engines, even then, were in demand. This OF also said his uncle had one of the fastest racing boats in the country for 29 years, and, according to this OF, he was never beaten even by company-sponsored boats.
The OF said that most of the boats used a nitro combination in their engines as did his uncle. The OF said his uncle used a higher nitro combination without damaging the engine.
His secret came from farming. Instead of using the pistons that came with the engine, his uncle removed them and replaced them with Oliver tractor engine pistons, which were much more rugged than OEM (Original Equipment Manufacturer) pistons, so he could burn this higher nitro ratio. His uncle’s boat recorded speeds up to 134 miles per hour on water way back then.
Collectors or hoarders?
Now there are OFs who are collectors, and there are OFs who just have stuff. Then there are OFs who have accrued many items over the years that is neither hoarding or collecting; it is just bits and pieces of leftover items purchased in order to do a project of some sort and all of the material was not used and just put away for future use.
Then there are items that their kids have given the OFs over the years that the OFs didn’t have the heart to get rid of. Parts to this, that, and the other thing, just put on a shelf with the thought of using it later, and later still hasn’t arrived.
There are tons of clothes that the OFs have grown out of and still take up space in the closet. Eventually sheds, cellars, garages, and barns are nothing more than paths that the OFs wind their way through to find a place to stash something else.
The OFs maintain that they know just about where everything is squirreled away, and if and when something is needed, what path to go down and retrieve it.
The OF thinks someday he may use those old lawn-mower wheels; unfortunately this scribe thinks that “someday” is not in the OF’s future — so — some of the OFs were talking about downsizing. How this was going to happen never materialized. The term “garage sale” was never mentioned.
The beauty of retirement
There are a plethora of clichés pertaining to those who are joining the ranks of OFs, i.e., better on this side of the grass, age brings wisdom, (scribe’s comment: not necessarily smarts) etc., etc. One thing age does bring is retirement.
Some of the OFs are retired, and some still work after retiring, especially those who were in business for themselves, or those who had a saleable hobby, or interest.
A few OFs retired and proceeded directly into working at these hobbies or interests. The word “retired” makes working at these jobs practically stress free.
If the OFs want to go to their grandkid’s graduation, they go; if they want to go fishing they go, if they want to go to the Adirondacks to do a hike, they go.
Those working for themselves can tell their customers, “When it is done, it is done; I’ll call ya.” If working for someone else and the boss starts piling on the pressure, the OF can say,“Hey, buddy, take this job and shove it.” Oh the beauty of retirement.
However, the OFs left out all the aches and pains that go with the age of retirement, and the desire to not want to get out of bed because, in lying there, the OF realizes it is the best he is going to feel all day.
Another thing the OFs mentioned was that, when working at something that they really enjoy, they do not have to worry about deadlines; the craftsmanship goes up exponentially with age. But one OF said that is until the eyes dim, or the hands start to shake, or everything becomes an effort, just brushing you teeth is a chore.
“I don’t worry about that,” one OF said. “I just take them out of the Efferdent.”
The Old Men of the Mountain who sat at the tables at the Home Front Café in Altamont, and were tempted by the proprietor to talk about politics (but the OFs in their OF wisdom did not take the bait) were: Miner Stevens, George Washburn, Robie Osterman, Roger Chapman, Bill Lichliter, Dave Williams, John Rossmann, Harold Guest, Chuck Aelesio, Jim Heiser, Glenn Patterson, Mark Traver, Jack Norray, Lou Schenck, Mace Porter, Wayne Gaul, Andy Tinning, Ted Willsey, Jim Rissacher, Bill Rice, Henry Whipple, Mike Willsey, Gerry Chartier, Elwood Vanderbilt, Richard Vanderbilt, Harold Grippen, and me.
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On May 3, the Old Men of the Mountain met at the Chuck Wagon Diner in Princetown. Again, the OMOTM must report on the weather because for the drivers it was another miserable Tuesday morning.
It seems that for some time now the weather has been in the dumps on Tuesdays. Maybe our winter has spoiled the OFs but many say they feel colder now than they did in mid-winter. It is raw and damp the thermostats have been bumped up, the furnaces and wood stoves are still running, and even cranked up a degree or two higher than what the OFs had them set at during the winter months.
The OFs are getting too familiar with funeral homes, and the OFs started talking about friends that have passed and how some are really missed. This feeling is about good friends as well as relatives.
Many of the OFs’ relatives have moved away and are seen only on special occasions, like weddings, births, graduations, and, yes, even funerals. To take their place, many friendships are deeper than relative connections and the death of one of those friends hits harder than a relative. When a relative of a friend (who the OFs hung out with on a regular basis) passes on, the hole that is left is harder to fill.
Some of the OFs mentioned that the bond became so great, that years later when the OF wanted to go here or there, or do this or that, and that person or those persons are not around, there is the empty feeling of why isn’t so-and-so around so we could do this or that together. It is no fun doing it alone.
Cultivating new friends to fill the void is hard and not even thought of while the good times were rolling on with the friends we had in the past. Then we all get old and life changes.
Breeding bigger, better fish
One table of OFs discussed the work that SUNY Cobleskill is doing with raising fish, and cross-breeding the fish to make them larger and more tasteful.
One OF who worked at the college said that this research has been going on for some time, and now they have a new large building to house the work they are doing. The OFs thought this is extremely needed work as the population of the planet continues to grow.
The work at Cobleskill is for research, but the growing of fish on fish farms in the ocean, and in places like the fish farm in Coxsackie is for consumption and we are supposed to eat more fish.
Rent before you buy?
A conversation that included three topics that did not seem to go together (only the OFs combined them) is a routine conversation like they were all saying the same thing. They spoke about motor homes, then rocket ships, then submarines, and regular ships — all at the same time. Only the OFs could tie this all together.
The only real story told about motor homes was how a friend of one of the OFs decided motor homing would be the thing for them so they purchased one — neither a fancy one nor an inexpensive one, just a motor home in the medium price range.
With hands on the wheel, they headed out on their first trip to Florida. They set up in a nice park that catered to motor homes but also had permanent homes as well. According to the OF, it rained almost all the time they were there, so their friends could not leave unless they used the motor home.
It wasn’t long before they decided this was not what they thought RVing was going to be like; however, there was a permanent home in the park they liked and it came up for sale. They purchased this home and found it to be more to their liking.
Now there is a motor home for sale that has only one trip to Florida registered on the odometer. What a deal for someone who wants to try their hand at motor homing.
As with many large investments of this type, it was suggested by some that maybe they should have rented instead of buying for their first try with one of these RVs. One OF said he has done this with cars — he rents a make and model he was thinking of purchasing to make sure he likes the vehicle before he buys one like it.
Another OF said, “Hey, that is not a bad idea; how about renting a wife and trying her out before taking the plunge and buying the license and hauling her home?”
Another OF thought renting kids would also be a good idea to see if you wanted any of your own. He figured that might cut down on the population explosion after that little trial worked its way out.
“You know,” one OF said, “The renting of the wife could work in reverse. The gals may want to rent you to see if you fill the bill, and you — you old goat - wouldn’t. You’re ugly and don’t have any money.”
“Well,” the retort came, “I have a nice, late model car. I don’t drive around in something like that old rat trap of a vehicle you call a car that still has pedals in it.”
Oops. Time to put the pedal to the metal and end that conversation.
Those OFs who made it to the Chuck Wagon Diner in Princetown (and some had quite a pedal to get there) were: Miner Stevens, Roger Chapman, Bill Lichliter, Robie Osterman, George Washburn, Roger Shafer, John Rossmann, Chuck Aelesio, Mark Traver, Glenn Patterson, Harold Guest, Lou Schenck, Jack Norray, Wayne Gaul, Mace Porter, Andy Tinning, Duncan Bellinger, Bob Fink, Bob Benninger, Ted Willsey, Jim Rissacher, Elwood Vanderbilt, Harold Grippen, and me.
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On Tuesday, April 26, The Old Men of the Mountain met at the Duanesburg Diner in Duanesburg. Fog and rain, snow, sleet, and hail do not deter the Old Men of the Mountain from reaching the appointed eating establishment for the week. This week was such a Tuesday — lousy weather — and we had a full house.
As the OFs report to the breakfast each Tuesday, they are greeted with a hearty “good morning.” Sometimes the name of the OF joining the group is also greeted by his name (if he is arriving by himself) or maybe just a couple of OGs arriving together will have their names included in the greeting by the OFs who are already there.
The later the OFs arrive, the more “good mornings” are expressed. Most of the OFs being greeted have a reply, and some just wave.
On Tuesday morning, one OF came in and was welcomed with the round of “good mornings” along with his name. When all the greetings were done, the arriving OF replied, “To your misfortune I am here.” Now that was different.
Zeros and ones
Redundancy is something this scribe tries to keep at a minimum; however, this scribe is dealing with OFs and it is hard. At times, although the topic may be redundant, the approach is different, or the circumstances related to a topic are new.
That was the case with a topic Tuesday morning on technology and how much and how fast it alters the way we do things, especially for the OFs who did not grow up with the technology of today from the toddler stage in their life.
What the OFs talked about was the routine, low end of the work force that has been replaced by technology. For instance, the OFs were referring to jobs like file clerks.
It took many workers to shuffle and file paper that was once necessary to keep on hand, but these records are now being taken care of by machines. Many of the people who are now titled learning-disabled but could handle this type of job easily are no longer working.
The OFs say that, no matter how hard many people try, they are just unable to grasp much of what is going on, but they are definitely not dumb or stupid. The OFs know many of these types of kids who have fallen through a crack large enough to sink an ocean liner.
One OF said that he did not mind all the technology; he maintained that things (for him anyway) are now so much better. Medicine, construction, solar energy, plus so much more are tons better thanks to those zeros and ones.
Then the OFs noted that many of today’s vehicles have so much technological garbage on them that has no real function in making the vehicle go, steer, or stop, which makes it more frustrating when something goes wrong like the Global Positioning System.
“Hey,” the OF said, “I know how to read a map.”
An OF added that, when the light comes on in cold weather to tell you your tires are soft, they may not be. Why do I need that thing when I can see if a tire is soft or not? Those things are more expensive to fix than a new tire.
One OF said, just put a piece of black friction tape over it and forget it. Another OF said that, if you drive a car that has automatic braking on the vehicle, as an operator of such a car, the OF would probably become so used to the car stopping by itself when that little feature failed, whoa — what happens now? — one huge rear-ender.
Yet another OF said he remembers when automatic transmissions came out (and electric windows, and power steering, along with power brakes, and tubeless tires), the same things were said. He continued, “Go with the flow; give me all that new stuff. Anything that makes my life easier, I am all for even if it is nothing more than zeros and ones.”
Small engines, big headaches
The OFs also talked a lot about lawn tractors, small engines and lawn mowers. The gist of the conversation was small engines are not like tractor engines, or car engines.
The mechanics in the group all agreed that repairing small engines can be frustrating and regular mechanics do not even want to mess with them.
This brought up the new phenomenon of lawn-tractor planters. The OFs noticed in many yards, when a lawn tractor decides to quit, it is just left where it died and the homeowner trots out and buys a new one.
When approaching the tractor (left where it quit) the lawn is just mowed around it and there it sits as a piece of lawn sculpture, or a potted plant is plopped on the seat and it is now a planter.
Heartfelt condolences
In closing this week’s column, the Old Men of the Mountain would like to offer their heartfelt condolences to two families of our members — the Porter family, and the Stevens Family on the loss of Pauline Gaige, and Donna Porter.
Mother and daughter who passed away within days of each other, both are now joining hands in the company of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in a better place.
Flying Dutchman
Those OFs who arrived at the Duanesburg Restaurant in Duanesburg, like the crew of the Flying Dutchman materializing out of the fog, were: Miner Stevens, Roger Chapman, Robie Osterman, George Washburn, Bill Lichliter, Dave Williams, Roger Shafer, Jim Heiser, Glenn Patterson, Chuck Aelesio, Mark Traver, John Rossmann, Harold Guest, Lou Schenck, Jack Norray, Gerry Irwin, Wayne Gaul, Ted Willsey, Jim Rissacher, Duncan Bellinger, Bob Fink, Bob Benninger, Mike Willsey, Elwood Vanderbilt, Harold Grippen, and me.
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On Tuesday, April 19, Primary Day in New York State, the Old Men of the Mountain met at the Your Way Café in Schoharie, and the OMOTM thought maybe this would be the end of the circus in New York, or maybe (as one OF mentioned) just the beginning. Ah, we shall see.
If only it weren’t so important. Either way, there is a lot of fodder for the comedians but ain’t funny, Magee.
Then, as another OF said, we should look at the primary with some humor and then realize we have been through this many times and generally it all comes out in the wash. One added none of the candidates have done all they say they have done, or can they do everything they say they are going to do.
“Yeah,” one OF said, “all of them have graduated from the same school that teaches them how to fib and make it sound like the truth.”
“Well,” another OF said, “I learned that in kindergarten along with learning that I learned it is not nice to pick your nose, but I still do both.”
Fat wallets, small watches
The OFs next had a brief discussion on wallets and watches. Now everyone knows that to follow all the current fashion trends all one has to do is stand at the door of the restaurants the OMOTM frequent and notice how patrons are dressed, then go and do likewise.
The OFs have a variety of wallets. Some are thin, and some are fat. The thin ones belong to the OFs who don’t have any money, and the fat ones belong to the OFs who are loaded
Either fat or thin, the OFs say that the wallet is the best place to put things that they can’t find later on. The reason some of the wallets are so fat is they contain gift cards the OFs forget they have, and notes and phone numbers that the OFs don’t know who they are from or who they are for.
One OF still has the picture in his wallet that came with the wallet and people think it is a relative. Some have an appointment cards in their wallets to remind the OFs of an appointment, only the appointment has come and gone.
We still haven’t found the money yet — only credit cards. One OF said his wallet is so fat that he leans to one side to carry it. He also said, if a pickpocket grabbed his fat wallet thinking he had hit the mother lode, he would really be ticked off. Money is the one thing that is not in there.
Watches are another thing; most of the OFs, if not all of them, have not caught up to the latest fad of wearing Big Ben on your wrist. The wrist watches today are so large the OFs expect to see a pendulum and hear it chime the hour and half hour, or at least a miniature bird pop out and chirp coo-coo.
“Wine is like duct tape”
“There’s a Tear in my Beer” by Hank Williams Jr. may become the newest rebirth of a song along with the lack of beer because of the lack of hops. Craft beer, which is booming in popularity now, is using between four and 10 times the amount of hops that industrial-scale brewing uses and this is causing a major hop shortage to develop.
One of the OFs, as we have reported before, is a hop farmer. The hop-house may be coming back on many farms; also, growing barley may make a comeback. It would be great to see some of the land that has grown up to brush be put back to use again and some of the small farms be able to produce a product they can sell
Drinking and driving may be the next farmer mantra, corn for gas, hops and barley for beer, grapes for wine. Help your local farmer; please drink and drive will be the next bumper sticker.
One OF said that will not only help the farmer, but also your local undertaker, and body shop. The OFs really know how to stimulate the economy while stemming the population growth.
It is not only beer that may help the farmer but also wine. With the new interest in wine, especially New York State wine, grapes are now in demand.
“There ya go,” one OF said. “After a tough day, a bottle of beer, or a glass of wine sure takes the edge off.”
Then another OF noted that he saw a very true sign (for him anyway): “Wine is like duct tape; it fixes everything.”
Fishing without bait
This spring has been a spring of contrast. The peepers chirped at night, the birds sang in the morning; as one OF said: Then came the cold. Real cold. Then the sounds of spring became just like winter silence.
One OF said, “Did you ever notice how quiet winter can be?” Not the spring and summer where this OF lives — it is like living inside a bird sanctuary that can be akin to a factory.
He went on to say, “Those feathered fowl can make an awful racket. Then add the peepers (thank goodness they only peep for a short while) and, when those nickel-sized frogs stop their peeping, then the singing insects start wailing their songs, or strumming their legs, and others do whatever they do to make a noise all of which adds to the evening’s din and I am trying to sleep. Oh the silence of winter, I miss that,” the OF mused.
One OF was all tanned up from fishing on the river all weekend. This OF said he fished, and he fished, yet caught only one fish.
Another OF said he thought that is what fishing is all about, just being out and away from it all. Who cares if you catch anything?
Still another OF chimed in to say that, when he goes out fishing, that is what it is all about, just being out, away from it all with a few beers. “Heck,” he said, “When I go fishing, heck, I don’t even bring bait.” Now that is what he calls fishing.
Those OFs who made it to Your Way Café in Schoharie, after telling the wife they’re going out to breakfast with guys and then going fishing, were: Bill Lichliter, Chuck Aelesio, Robie Osterman, Roger Chapman, Dave Williams, John Rossmann, Mark Traver, Glenn Patterson, Harold Guest, Otis Lawyer, Roger Shafer (all tanned up), Henry Witt, Lou Schenck, Gerry Irwin, Jack Norray, Wayne Gaul, Bob Fink, Bob Benninger, Jim Rissacher, Ted Willsey, Elwood Vanderbilt, Mike Willsey, Harold Grippen, and me.
Location:
On Tuesday, April 12, the Old Men of the Mountain met at the County Café on Main Street in Schoharie.
Here is another weather report from the OFs. Those on the Hill talk about a mighty wind that blew through the area and where hail came down for a brief time so hard that it was at a 10-degree angle to the Earth before it struck the ground.
After the hail came the rain. Then, on the news, the OFs saw the damage done by what was a comparatively local blow. The weather guys never saw that one coming or told the OFs to batten down the hatches.
The OMOTM sat in the comfort of the County Café enjoying the aroma of breakfast being made in the kitchen and looking out the window across the street to the Schoharie County Courthouse where trees are down and the park is gone. Construction is underway to build a hydraulic dike to keep the water from running into the courthouse when there is another flood.
The OFs say what a shame to spend all that money and ruin all that real estate when the OFs feel it would be less expensive just to add another floor to the courthouse if they need the space; subsequently abandon the basement and first floor.
But nobody asked the OFs. Some of the OGs can just fall out of bed and be at the County Café so it is not like the OFs are outsiders butting in.
The OFs discussed the location of the county jail and that is another bone of contention where (in the opinion of the OFs) the opinions of the residents were ignored.
This led to other topics that are generally no-no’s at the table: Politics and religion. That is the general heading of the conversation but it wasn’t explicitly on religion or politics.
Is God having trouble finding people to call?
Discussion was how the attendance in many organized faiths is dropping off, and churches are combining services in one church and closing others.
In some faiths, according to the OFs, it is a combination of the lack of attendance, and fewer young people showing interest and this trend is causing a shortage of young people going into the ministry.
This made one OF think, if it is God that calls people to the ministry, is God having trouble finding people to call, or is he calling them to minister in the church of “What’s Happening Now?” Or is it that the traditional churches are so wrapped up in adhering to tradition that they are failing to minister?
Lacking presidential material
And, as for politics, the OFs at this scribe’s end of the table had no idea who they are going to vote for. The OFs felt none of those running to be the nominee of their parties were presidential material.
One OF said that, no matter which party took the White House, the OFs could look for, “A crow in every pot, and bicycle in every garage.”
None of the OFs could remember such a circus as there is now for an upcoming presidential election. It was more or less a generic opinion for the OFs that, with all the name calling and mudslinging going on among all of those running, how could anyone trust any of them?
The scariest words to hear is someone who says, “Trust me.”
One OF wondered who would want to run for president — their lust for power has to be great and their hide has to be as thick as a tank so that they can deal with the press, and all the negativity that is thrown about.
Oh, well. None of the OFs are running for office anyway so it is all moot. Then again, maybe the OFs should run as a group and maybe something would get done.
The OFs thought that, if enough people wrote in “Mickey Mouse,” maybe Disney could run the government and the whole country could then live in fantasyland.
Bionic men share trials and tribulations
The OFs continue to become more bionic. One OF is going in for knee replacement; another is going for facial repair.
It is interesting to see how fast the medical profession is progressing in replacing people parts — not only organs, but joints too.
One OF had shoulder work done maybe 10 or more years ago; lately, one of this OF’s shoulder started acting up. The OF went to the same doctor who performed the procedure originally and, when the doctor saw the OF and the X-rays, he told the OF, “Oh, I don’t do it that way anymore — I don’t cut, or use screws like that. I use lasers.”
He didn’t offer any condolences to the OF either. In fact, the doctor said, “You’re too old, suck it up; I will give you a shot.”
The OF said at the breakfast “Well, that shot lasted about three weeks.”
The OF going in for the knee operation might have the procedure performed with current technology, and the ways of yore may be long gone for how it is done now. The OFs wonder, at the rate medicine and technology is progressing, what medical procedures will be like in 50 years from now to replace a hip or transplant a heart.
OFs in office
The OFs who made it to the Country Café in Schoharie, and who think it might be a good idea to write in OFs for president, were: Miner Stevens president; Glenn Paterson, vice president; Mark Traver, secretary of State; Chuck Aelesio, Federal Bureau of Investigation director; Mark Traver, secretary of Defense; Harold Guest, press secretary; John Rossmann, secretary of the Navy; Roger Chapman, secretary of Homeland Defense; Bill Lichliter, secretary of Treasury; George Washburn, Federal Aviation Administration director; Robie Osterman, secretary of Transportation; Lou Schenck, secretary of Communication; Jack Norray, secretary of Interior; Gerry Irwin, secretary of the Environmental Protection Agency; Matt Farnam, United Nations ambassador; Ted Willsey, secretary of Labor; Mike Willsey, secretary of Housing and Urban Development; Bob Fink, secretary of Education; Bob Benninger, secretary of Energy; Jim Rissacher, secretary of Health and Human Resources; Elwood Vanderbilt, secretary of Farm and Home Management; Gerry Chartier, chief of staff; Harold Grippen, secretary of Veterans Affairs; and me, chief dog catcher.
Location:
Tuesday, April 5, was a tad unusual. The Old Men of the Mountain headed off to Mrs. K’s Restaurant in Middleburgh and it was cold.
Some car loads of OFs reported temperatures as low as 10 below in Gallupville, and 7 below in Schoharie. All the car loads of OFs spoke about the scenery along the flats of Fox and Schoharie creeks as being in a Disney movie.
The trees glistened white covered in either frozen fog, or hoar frost. There were stretches of thick fog as the OFs approached Middleburgh where the creek and the highway are close together.
The fog rolled along the ground but most of the time the OFs were able to see over this blanket of white and, out of the blanket, the white trees and shrubs rose from the fog. Unusual to see and drive through, it was a very short scene — sleeper-inners missed all this.
Throw-away society
The OFs talked about how we are continuing to be a throw-away society, at least in this country, and maybe worldwide. The OFs talked about tools and appliances that they used to have fixed and then continued to use.
Today, many items, if they fail, or won’t work, the stores do not try to fix them. They just grab a new one from the shelf and take the old one and send the OF on his way.
There used to be mom-and-pop repair shops all over. If the TV didn’t work, the repairman would come to your home with his toolbox and truck full of parts and fix the broken item. Now there is no fix to it; whatever it is, it is scrapped and the OF gets a new one, or a discount on a new one.
The OFs remember going to the store called Lake Electronics in Albany that had parts to fix just about any appliance. If the OF knew how to use a screwdriver, a pair of pliers, and a soldering iron, he could fix just about any appliance with parts from Lake Electronics
You could also go to Wards or Sears and get parts to fix most appliances, lawn mowers, weed whackers — you name it.
Even a little further back, when the OFs purchased a car or truck or tractor, a set of tools came with it, so the OFs or anyone else for the matter, could fix it. Some cars, trucks, tractors, equipment, and appliances gave the option to purchase spare parts that were just part of preventative maintenance.
The manual that came with the appliance would also include a maintenance schedule that would advise when these parts should be installed. One OF said that even these days some of the small, cheap models of cars are throw-away vehicles. It’s less expensive to buy a new one than have the old vehicle repaired.
Whatever happened to the no-call list?
The OFs were wondering if the no-call list is still active. The OFs were complaining about the frequency of robo-calls that seem to be interrupting their day.
Many heads nodded in agreement as this subject came up. The OFs said that some are receiving as many as 10 a day.
This scribe thinks that 10 a day is a throw-out number because he did not know of any OF who puts a tick on the wall each time the phone rings and one of these calls come in. However, even the scribe has noticed an increase in these types of calls and the scribe is supposed to be on the no-call list as well.
Politicians were sneaky enough to eliminate their calls from the no-call list. Almost all of the OFs claim that one way for a politician to lose a vote is to call many of the OFs.
An OF said he could have his head and half his body under the sink fixing a faucet when the phone rings. The OFs said he may be expecting a call from someone to help, so then he unwinds himself from under the sink and answers the phone.
It is a political call from some young supporter working the phones. Many of the OFs were in the Navy and that young supporter may hear words they never knew existed.
Too old for the chase?
As the OFs get older, their minds tend to become younger and they think they are 40-something. Some purchase new boats with 150-horsepower engines; others purchase a Mazda Miata; and one OF (who should know better) just purchased a new, or almost new, Trike (three-wheeler) motorcycle.
The next thing you know, some of the OFs will be chasing younger women. These OFs won’t catch them though, even if the young damsels are running away in spiked high heels, because the canes of the OFs will get in their way and trip the OGs up.
Hot topics
The conversations at last Tuesday’s breakfast covered a number of hot-topic items: the gun law, the $15-an-hour wage, paid leave, and the five-dollar charge on all insurance policies imposed by the state to pay police for issuing tickets.
Last year, the insurance companies on the OFs’ behalf paid into this fund $125 million so the police can issue their tickets. The OFs’ opinion is: We are paying for our own tickets
One OF said, “Well, if we weren’t breaking the law we would not get a ticket; we would just be out 5 or 10 bucks — or maybe a little more.”
Condolences
We must mention the passing of two of the OMOTM and offer our condolences to both families. The older members of the OMOTM will remember Stephen Torok, and Howard “Skip” Skinner who both passed away the week of April 3.
Those OFs who made it to Mrs. K’s restaurant in Middleburgh and, as the old saying goes, if the OF catches what the OF is chasing, he wouldn’t know what to do with her, were: George Washburn, Robie Osterman, Bill Lichliter, Roger Chapman, John Rossmann, Harold Guest, Glenn Patterson, Chuck Aelesio, Mark Traver, Mace Porter, Lou Schenck, Gerry Irwin, Ed Traeger, Bob Fink, Bob Benninger, Gerry Chartier, Elwood Vanderbilt, Mike Willsey, Ted Willsey, Jim Rissacher, Harold Grippen, and me.
Location:
The Old Men of the Mountain met at the Middleburgh Diner in the village of Middleburgh on March 29. It doesn’t seem like it’s been 16 years since the world was supposed to come to an end, all the computers were supposed to crash, and the second coming was supposed to occur.
The OFs’ first discussions were about the winds during the early morning hours of March 29. For our area, it was a blow. For all the howling of the wind, the OFs did not notice many trees down. There were some smaller branches and a few larger dead limbs or small dead trees down but nothing to write home about.
If any of the OFs have had the experience of being in a hurricane, no OF in the hearing range of this scribe mentioned it. What an experience it must be with winds double the speed of the night we had on March 29.
What happened to March going out like a lamb? Maybe the timing isn’t generic. The timing is definitely March 1, and the 31, so the 31 may yet be tranquil and warm so the ole saw will fit.
The OFs did mention being on cruises in high seas, and both of the OFs telling tales of what went on was like the OFs were on the same cruise at the same time. However, the times were different and the departure cities were different.
One left from New Jersey, and the other from Fort Lauderdale. The similarities were uncanny. One OF said that the ship was shuddering from the pounding of the waves that were hitting the ship as high up as the sixth deck. This OF said that after the storm abated the ship continued on and completed the cruise.
The other OF said that on his ship the waves were washing all the furniture that was on the decks off the fantail, and letting the sharks have the tables, chairs, umbrellas, and all that stuff for their next picnic. This OF said that there was a water spout off the port side of the ship that sent out two huge rolling waves
The ship went up on the first one and started back up as the next wave hit the ship and sent it back down. The OF was not familiar with the group of people he was standing with but all of their knees buckled and all of them went to the deck.
The casino was closed, the deck doors were locked; it was quite a ride. The engines were disabled, and the mechanics managed to repair one and eventually they limped into the Bahamas, turned around, and went back to Fort Lauderdale with one engine. The OF said that on the return trip the ocean was as flat as a table top — not a ripple in it.
These types of adventures the OFs can relate to. Certain events the OFs use to date other events, like using the phrase “Oh, that was right after the cruise we took to Timbuktu,” or something like that.
The description of “barf bags” everywhere, hanging on the railings and over the backs of chairs is why both OFs thought they were on the same boat. One of the OFs said they thought “The Poseidon Adventure” was not that far fetched.
The natural segue was travel by air and some of the experiences the OFs had on that means of travel. This scribe noticed that all the stories (both boat and plane) were of when things went awry. The tendency to keep in mind all the traveling, where on the trip everything went well, the OFs did not remember much.
Bugged by bugs
A common conversation among the OFs is their current health condition. These are not pity parties just stating the facts of life for the over-75 crowd. These conversations are generally quite short.
At the breakfast Tuesday morning, it was found that many of the OFs have been battling this cold/flu/allergy bug that is going around. The OFs found that apparently this is not a local bug.
In talking to relatives up and down the East Coast, many have the same problems. What makes this interesting is one OF’s description of it. It is rare for this particular OF to not be present at a breakfast and he did miss one.
This past Tuesday morning, he said he had the “two-pail flu” and is still weak from it. For those who have had or are in the process of going through it, it is not over in a week or so.
The OFs who have had it probably still have vestiges of the nasty bug, because this bug hangs on for weeks and weeks until it can find another home. Some OFs think the bugger comes back. (When did bugs come to be associated with colds, flu, and a variety of other ailments?)
The mysterious “S”
The OFs mentioned Warner Lake this past Tuesday and wondered where the “S” comes from on some of the spellings of the lake. There is no “S” on Warner Lake, just like there is no “S” on Wal-Mart.
Many people will say “I’m going to Wal-Marts, which is wrong. Well, this is the end of this week’s report from “The Old Men of the Mountain” — not Mountains.
The Old Men of the Mountain made it to the Middleburgh Diner, where the waitress made an announcement that a waitress from another restaurant wanted to say “Hi” to the OFs. The OFs who were at the Middleburgh Diner said “Hi” back and the OFs are glad we make a favorable impression, and those OFs were: John Rossmann, George Washburn, Robie Osterman, Bill Lichliter, Harold Guest, Dave Williams, Mark Traver, Glenn Patterson, Chuck Aelesio, Don Wood, Roger Chapman, Marty Herzog, Miner Stevens, Lou Schenck, Gerry Irwin, Jack Norray, Wayne Gaul, Jim Rissacher, Bob Fink, Bob Benninger, Mike Willsey, Elwood Vanderbilt, Ed Traeger, Jeff Ward, Dave Porter, Gary Chartier, Harold Grippen, and me. It was good to see Gary Porter at the table this morning.