No spreadsheets for this scribe, but lots of juicy details

The end of May was on a Tuesday and the Old Men of the Mountain met at the Middleburgh Diner in Middleburgh.

There was one OMOTM not there and it was this scribe. This was known in advance so a substitute roll-caller was asked if he would gather all the chickens in the coop and let this scribe know so he could protect the innocent by having the roll call at the end of the column.

The stand-in OMOTM said he could do this and he  performed the task in spades. This scribe received not only the names that attended the breakfast but many of those who did not, all on a spreadsheet. This scribe doesn’t even know how to make a spreadsheet. Like we keep reminding everyone, there are many talents in this group of OFs.

None of what follows happened at the breakfast at the Middleburgh Diner. This scribe used his little blue book where he takes notes and he made use of notes in this report that have not been included in reports from breakfasts in the past. This scribe does not take the conversations or names and place them on a spreadsheet — he scribbles them in a little cheap pocket spiral notebook.

Some of these notes are as terse as just two words and, when this scribe gets home and tries to put these words to a conversation, there is much consternation when nothing comes to mind that will tie these words into what was said. Unfortunately, now they just become wasted words because this scribe can’t remember them and so can’t use them to form a conversation and report on what was said; these exchanges might have been some of the cleverest discussions of the whole morning.

Big ears and noses

Wrinkles!  The OFs have discussed wrinkles before, but the big ears and noses that accompany getting old is a note scribbled on this scribe’s cheap note pad, but not included in a previous column. The OFs did not complain about their ears getting larger because the process is so slow that early on it’s hardly noticeable.

Now some of the OFs in their middle to high eighties notice how large their ears are, and they wonder if the ear stays the same and the face gets so wrinkled that it shrinks. One OF mentioned that, if he kept on practicing wiggling his ears, he could probably now be able to flap them and fly.

Another OF said he did not really notice his until he was shaving one day and said his ears reminded him of Dumbo (the elephant).

Even with the larger ears on the outside, the inside seems to do the opposite and shrink because many of the OFs have to use hearing aids.  This bit of information has been reported many times because this is one invention that seems to work at certain times and at other times hearing aids only seem to make the situation worse.

One OF said it is not only his ears that looked larger but his nose was wide enough to use as a hangar and park a small plane in it. To go along with the size was the lament that breathing wasn’t any easier. As a matter of fact, the OF said his outsized nose now was even plugged up more, and he went through a box of tissues in a week.

This scribe checked out information about the nose and ears growing as we age.  This really doesn’t happen — it is just gravity,  like the OFs’ butts and guts. Gravity takes over because the cartilage relaxes as we age.

So the big ears and noses that are already with us are neatly packed with youth, then age takes over and all that youth tightness just sags. The OFs will just have to live with it; there is no exercise or magic pill that is going to hold back gravity. The OFs are just going to have to get used to big ears and large noses and watch out when shaving that these larger appendages are not nicked in the process.

Those OFs that made it to the Middleburgh Diner in Middleburgh (and this scribe has no idea how they got there) for this report were: Roger Chapman,  Robie Osterman, Miner Stevens, George Washburn, Don Wood, Glenn Patterson, Bill Lichliter, Roger Schafer, Harold Guest, Mace Porter, Jack Norray, Gerry Irwin, Lou Schenck (Thank You Lou), Art Frament, Ted Willsey, Jim Rissacher, Mike Willsey, Gerry Chartier, Elwood Vanderbilt, Richard Vanderbilt, Chuck Aelesio, Duncan Bellinger, Joe Bender, Warren Willsey and guest Danielle, Harold Grippen, and not me.