All the OFs now look like they are checkerboards or dart boards

On Tuesday, Feb. 15, the day after Valentine’s Day (did you remember?), the Old Men of the Mountain met at the Country Café on Main Street in Schoharie. Again it was chilly; the weather was described by some of the OFs as a yo-yo.

Some of the OFs remember playing with this kids’ toy and a few became really good at it. Think back to the Smothers Brothers. The brother that played the guitar (not the one that played the bass) was a whiz at playing with a yo-yo. “Walk the Dog,” “Around the World,” and “In the Cradle” were some of the yo-yo tricky maneuvers.

Beards hide wrinkles

A good while back, the OMOTM talked about shaving and the problems lines in the face caused. Well, about 10 years has passed and these lines on the older OFs are now canyons, with deep, cragged cliffs that have to be shaved.

The OFs cannot drop their jaws far enough now to straighten out these riffs, so they complain about having to push on the razor harder to get at the whiskers hiding deep in the valleys. One OF mentioned that, if he doesn’t get those whiskers out of there, it accentuates the lines and it looks like snow where the whiskers are gray and, where it isn’t gray, the crags look deeper.

The younger OFs are not at this point yet but sooner than they think, they, of course, will be. One of the younger ones said that will be the time when he grows a beard. The OF even brought up the hypothesis of why many OFs have beards. That reasoning being it’s just to hide the wrinkles.

Another OF said it isn’t only the OFs who have beards now, most of the young men seem to be sprouting facial hair growth.

One OF said he can remember when lines around the eyes and down the face showed character, and were considered classy and made a man look sexy. Another OF said, to him, guys with beards seem to be peering out from behind a dead bush; he would rather see lines any day.

Then the conversation segued to the subject of age spots, moles, hang tags, and little red blood dots. All the OFs now look like they are checkerboards or dart boards.

A long role in the aches and pains and the scars department and now, my goodness, the Old OFs look like road maps as well. The aches and pains just go with the territory and the column has mentioned those before. But, for some reason on Tuesday morning, it was all lumped together: lumps and bumps, aches and pains, lines and scars. The creature from the black lagoon is beginning to look better than the OFs.

This was prompted by the OFs wearing beards for the town of Knox, which is getting ready for a bicentennial celebration that will be ongoing throughout the year, but the main events will basically be held during this summer. There is a best-beard contest for those in the town that should be fun.

Another thing about beards, which was mentioned, was that beards can be trimmed and faces with the beards do not have to shave. So digging out whiskers in the valleys and caverns of the older OFs face is not necessary.

Old pets mirror OFs’ ailments

Many times, OFs have old pets, i.e., cats and dogs especially. This scribe doesn’t know of any OFs that had a turtle.

We talked about old pets on Tuesday morning. One OF explained what he goes through taking care of a 19-year-old dog  (that is 133 people years, holy cow!).

Another OF piped up that they had a 19-year-old cat. How many years cat years are to people years, this scribe doesn’t know, but this OF supposes the net will tell him. The OF is so full of aches and pains (part of OFism), he is too lazy to bother checking this out; anyway, the cat is old.

So many of the OFs grow old with their animals, and that may be best; a young puppy or frisky kitten may drive an OF nuts. Then again, maybe not; at least the young animal may keep the OF active.

Old pets seem to have the same maladies as their human caretakers, and it costs just as much to keep them going as it does humans.

Some of the OFs mentioned that they cannot remember not having a dog.

One OF added, “Until recently.”

The OF offered that it takes as much effort to take care of an old dog, as it does an OF, and he can’t do both. The OF added, having a devoted pet is such a comfort that it is a shame to have to give one up.

OGs like to drive themselves

The subject of drive-yourself and electric vehicles was another healthy conversation. On this topic, the option of riding in a car that can drive itself was not something the OFs wanted to do.

This scribe can say it was a 100-percent turndown; the OFs would rather drive themselves. However, this was from a group that still feels comfortable driving.

This scribe thinks an older person who can no longer drive but is still somewhat ambulatory would like a vehicle that all the OF would have to do is get in and say to the vehicle, “Take me to Wal-Mart,” and the vehicle would do it.

Many OFs don’t like to put people out to haul them around.

There will be more information on electric cars to come in the future, as some of the OFs now have them. One OF who leases them says he has had seven of them, and right now all he has are electric vehicles.

His internal-combustion engine truck is buried in snow and, at this point in time, it is not worth the effort to dig it out. Good OF thinking.

Those OMOTM who made it to the Country Café in Schoharie (and at least one used no gas to get there) were: Glenn Patterson, Miner Stevens, Roger Shafer, Russ Pokorny, Robie Osterman, Bill Lichliter, John Dabrvalskes, Paul Guiton, Lou Schenck, Jack Norray, Herb Bahrmann, and me.

By the way, a 19-year-old cat is 92 in human years.