A story for my grandkids: ‘Diet Lasagna’

My grandkids are still young enough that they love it when I scrunch them in right next to me and read them books. It’s the best thing you can do with young kids. No better way to spend your precious time with them.

Then I got to thinking, what if I made up some stories to tell them in addition to good classic kids’ books? So here’s one I’m thinking of trying on them. It’s called “Diet Lasagna.” I’d love to know what you think.

“Diet Lasagna”

Once there was a little Italian boy named Joey. He had a nice family that treated him well. One day he came home from school and was about to start his milk and Oreos snack before doing his homework and playing some video games when his good old Italian mom spoke to him.

“Joey, is everything all right?”

“I guess.”

“You guess? Joey, you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. What’s going on?”

“Well, the other boys either pick me last or don’t pick me at all when we choose up sides in gym. They say I’m too fat.”

“Now Joey, you are not fat! You’re only 12 years old. You need to eat to stay strong and grow up. Don’t listen to them.”

“But the other boys are so skinny and fast. I can’t keep up!”

“Joey, just because some other boys seem to be in better shape than you doesn’t mean anything. Everyone grows up differently. You’ll catch up.”

“But I don’t like not getting picked!”

“I know, Joey, it hurts when they do that, but trust me, you’ll grow up to be big and strong. I just know it! Have I ever lied to you before?”

“No, Mom.”

“Good. And guess what? We’re having spaghetti and meatballs tonight!”

“Yum. Garlic bread too?”

“Of course!”

The next day when Joey went to school, he got picked last on the dodge-ball team as usual. He was really bummed out.

So after school, instead of going straight home, he cut through the woods behind his house. Back there it was nice and quiet. It was a perfect place to just clear your head, and Joey went there often.

There was a huge tree that fell over in a storm. It landed right next to another big tree, making a sort of chair where Joey would always sit. He felt safe there, because no one bothered him there and no one called him fat.

As he was sitting there, being sad and miserable, he heard a noise. At least he thought it was a noise.

“Hey.”

“Who’s there?”

“It’s just me, Freddy.”

With that, Joey looked down and there was a big green frog talking to him!

“You’re a frog and you can talk?”

“Yes, I’m Freddy the Frog. What’s your name?”

“I’m Joey, but I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t believe I’m a frog, or you don’t believe I’m a frog that talks.”

“Neither.”

“OK then, if I’m not a talking frog, then what am I?”

“You’re probably some stupid AI gadget that is live-streaming me on social media so everyone will know that I’m some kind of jerk who believes in talking frogs.”

“Wow dude, just chill! I don’t even know what you’re talking about, but if I wasn’t a frog, could I do this?”

With that, Freddy the Frog started jumping about three feet in the air, just flying, all around the clearing. When he was in the air Joey could tell Freddy just loved it.

At that point, Joey knew that Freddy really was a talking frog. Joey wished he was light enough so he could jump like that.

“You’re amazing,” said Joey, “the way you jump all around and soar through the air like that. It’s cool.”

“Thanks, kid. Now tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Kind of. You should be doing things like running around with your friends and having a good time. You’re so young. Enjoy life while you can!”

“That’s the thing. The kids at school say I’m fat. They never pick me for sports.”

“Kid, you ain’t fat. Trust me. Now that bear who comes by here sometimes, he’s fat! But not you.”

“Bear? Yikes!”

“Don’t worry, he won’t be back for months. But I think I can help you out.”

“Help me? How?”

“Have you ever heard of lasagna?”

“Lasagna? That’s my favorite dish! My mother makes it with cottage cheese. Sounds terrible, but it’s actually the best.”

“Sounds odd — I’m a mozzarella man, myself — but if you like it, that’s all that matters.”

“I love it!”

“Listen Joey, did you know there is such a thing as diet lasagna?”

“Never heard of it.”

“Well, it’s real, and it’s just the thing to help with your problem.”

“Really? How can I get some?”

“When is your mom making lasagna again?”

“We always have it on Sunday.”

“OK, this coming Sunday, after she serves you the lasagna, say you don’t feel good and have her save it for you for later. Then, just before sundown, meet me here. And bring the lasagna.”

“You think it will help?”

“Diet lasagna is the best. You’ll see!”

On Sunday, right after Mom put the lasagna on his plate, Joey announced he wasn’t feeling well and went to his room. Then, as twilight was approaching, he took the leftover lasagna out of the fridge and went out to the woods behind his house. It wasn’t long after he was sitting on his fallen tree chair that Freddy the Frog appeared.

“Hi Freddy,” said Joey.

“Hi Joey,” said Freddy. “Did you bring the lasagna?”

“Yep, got it right here.”

Joey pulled out a container with an eight-inch-long slice of beautiful homemade lasagna. It looked and smelled delicious.

“Let me see that,” said Freddy and, before you knew it, Freddy gobbled up half the lasagna!

“Hey,” Joey said, “you just ate half of my lasagna!”

“That’s right, Joey, I ate it because it’s diet lasagna.”

“What? I don’t understand.”

“From now on, all you have to do is eat smaller portions of food, like this lasagna. Italian mothers like yours are notorious for piling too much food on their kids’ plates because they love their kids so much. But now that you know about diet lasagna, you can learn to control your portion size, which will help you lose weight and get in shape.”

“Wow. You really think this will work?”

“Trust me, pal! And by the way, the cottage cheese in this lasagna is the bee’s knees!”

So Joey started eating better and then he had a growth spurt and next thing you know he was the best player on the high school basketball team and he wound up going to Villanova where he became a standout power forward, leading the Wildcats to a national championship and, if that’s not enough to be happy about, he wound up marrying a cheerleader who was not only stunningly beautiful but had a Ph.D. in applied mathematics and six patents to her name and then he got drafted by the New York Knicks and wound up leading them to their first championship since 1973 as he was just unstoppable in the paint and could also play relentless defense, and when he finally retired he wound up with five kids and 10 grandkids and his greatest pleasure of all was reading stories just like this one whenever he could to as many of his adorable grandkids as he could scrunch up right besides him.

THE END

If you have grandkids, count your blessings and read to them early and often. They will always remember it, and you, fondly. There is nothing better than that.