100 tips for life gleaned from living it

Today I offer you 100 tips for life gleaned from hard-earned experience. Use at your own risk; as they say in the car business, “Your mileage may vary.” Enjoy!

— 1. Be careful in mall and shopping-center parking lots when driving or especially when walking as the normal driving rules don't seem to apply there for some reason.

— 2. If you want to enjoy a hot dog, for God’s sake don’t think of how it’s made.

—3. If there’s any question at all on whether your deodorant is working or not, it’s not.

— 4. Actively practice listening every chance you get. You can never get too good at it.

— 5. Don’t be afraid to try new foods, but if you don’t know what part of the animal you’re eating, it’s OK to skip it.

— 6. Random acts of kindness — letting someone pull out, holding open a door, paying the toll for the car behind you — restore our faith in humanity.

— 7. For women: If you have to even think about if your skirt is too short or your top is too low, your skirt is too short or your top is too low.

— 8. For men: No one wants to see your underwear, so pull up your pants for crying out loud.

— 9. Think about what you wear to the beach. Remember, some of us are planning on eating lunch there.

— 10. If the people in the next car or apartment can hear your music, it’s too loud.

— 11. See a doctor once a year. You’re not as young as you used to be.

— 12. Get over it when your team loses. There is always next year.

— 13. If you don’t have at least one favorite author, you’re not reading enough.

— 14. Get to know what’s in your insurance policy. You’ll be glad you did.

— 15. Don’t go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. You'll feel so much better the next morning.

— 16. I don’t care what anyone says, it’s OK to wear white socks with dress pants unless you’re trying to impress someone, and if that someone can’t handle white socks with dress pants, find someone else to impress.

— 17. You don’t have to agree with someone else’s religious choice but you certainly should respect it.

— 18. Nothing good ever happens when you’re out after midnight.

— 19. Give driving the attention and respect it deserves.

— 20. Working hard and then relaxing makes you feel like you’ve really earned it.

— 21. Try to make your spouse feel extra special whenever you can.

— 22. Your children watch everything you do and listen to everything you say, though they might not show it. They also remember everything. Keep this in mind.

— 23. Find a business you like and then support it. You’ll both be better off.

— 24. Learn how to make good soup and you’ll always be popular with anyone you share it with.

— 25. You can learn anything if you stick with it long enough and learn from your mistakes.

— 26. Any kind of music is a triumph of the human spirit, and if you can play music all the better.

— 27. Teach your kids to swim; it will provide endless fun and could save their lives.

— 28. When you use the last anything — tissue, egg, toilet paper, etc. — have the courtesy to replace it.

— 29. If you need to criticize, start off with a compliment. You’ll get much better results.

— 30. Sometimes silence is the greatest sound of all.

— 31. Count a friend among your greatest possessions.

— 32. Tell your school board to keep teaching cursive writing. We should all be at least moderately proficient in this timeless art/skill.

— 33. Support your local newspaper. When it’s gone, you will miss it. Nothing beats real journalism.

— 34. If possible, let your favorite teacher know how much he or she meant to you. Teachers do God’s work.

— 35. Your parents might not be perfect, but you wouldn’t be anywhere — literally — without them.

— 36. Fast food is a fast way to pack on pounds. Control yourself.

— 37. Anyone who speaks broken English speaks at least one more language than you and I do.

— 38. Skin color, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, etc. are just categories. It is the quality of the person inside that counts.

— 39. Do not judge a person with a valid handicap sticker if they look fine when they get out of the car. You have no idea what they are dealing with. And don’t park in a handicap spot without a valid permit.

— 40. Put down the phone and do something real — a walk, a jigsaw puzzle, an actual person-to-person conversation. You’d be surprised how interesting the real world can be.

— 41. Travel is always good but, if you need a vacation from your vacation, you’re doing too much.

— 42. Wash your car. Your car will love you and you can use the exercise.

— 43. Positive thinking really works, if you can get in the habit of actually doing it.

— 44. There are so-called “foodies” who go nutso with recipes and gadgets and restaurants, but if you can get your hands on a good sandwich every now and then and maybe a good glass of whiskey on occasion you’ve pretty much got it covered.

— 45. Don’t tell me there are no jobs. If you want to work, you can work.

— 46. Invest in your future by doing two years at a community college. Then you can go to work in an actual career or continue studying. Community colleges are the best thing going.

— 47. People seem to let their heads droop forward as they age. That’s great if you’re looking for old coins on the beach with a metal detector but not for much else. Pay attention to your posture.

— 48. Your words matter. Think before you speak.

— 49. Volunteering is good for the soul.

— 50. Please think twice before reheating a tuna casserole in the office microwave oven.

— 51. Leaving farts on an elevator is never cool.

— 52. Kissing in public: Why? Get a room, as they say.

— 53. Traveling by train is slower, but it’s a lot more relaxing than flying.

— 54. Just like “it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity” — it’s not the cold, it’s the wind.

— 55. Speeding loses its luster the older you get. What’s the hurry?

— 56. Gift giving is completely out of control. Too bad “it’s the thought that counts” is such a cliché.

— 57. Spend a day in a good museum. Good art stirs the soul like nothing else.

— 58. Get to know the Bible. I mean, read it. You can’t begin to understand Western literature without it.

— 59. Please don’t crush my hand when you shake it. Firm is fine.

— 60. You pay for it once but you use it every day. Think about this when you buy your next house, car, or other big purchase.

— 61. If you give your word, stick to it.

— 62. Brushing and flossing are not fun but, unless you want a removable set of choppers like Grandpa, you better do it daily.

— 63. The book is always better than the movie.

— 64. The more you own the more you have to take care of. Get rid of clutter.

— 65. Set some goals. If you don’t know where you’re going, how can you ever get there?

— 66. Pay yourself by saving something out of every paycheck.

— 67. A good foot soak. Trust me.

— 68. Don’t discount good old radio as an entertainment medium. Its pleasures are many and varied.

— 69. Nothing beats a long walk on a nice day.

— 70. You don’t study math because you’ll necessarily need it, you study math because it teaches you to think. Too bad they don’t explain this to you at the outset.

— 71. Reading and studying about a far-off place is in many ways better than going there.

— 72. Nothing says ugly more than an orange pair of Crocs, yet nothing feels so good on your feet.

— 73. Trimming your beard shows you care.

— 74. Any waitress that calls me “honey” automatically gets at least a 20-percent tip.

— 75. Life is too short for bad condiments. If you can’t afford Heinz, Guldens, and Hellman’s, become a vegetarian.

— 76. If she says things are “fine,” they’re not.

— 77. A house is just a house. It takes a wife or mother to make it a home.

— 78. Everyone talks about watching their weight, but put out a box of doughnuts and watch them disappear.

— 79. Don’t worry about things you can’t control, like weather. It is what it is.

— 80. Money is great. Happiness is better.

— 81. A “Celebration of Life” is much better than a funeral.

— 82. I love that you exercise, but you don’t need to post every run and rep on social media.

— 83. Trees are noble, valuable gifts. Treat them with respect.

— 84. If you want to see how well you know something, try explaining it to someone else.

— 85. No one works harder or cares more than a good nurse.

— 86. Helping is fine. Enabling is not.

— 87. Our country being over twenty trillion dollars in debt and climbing is bad financially and bad for the message it sends. We need to tighten our belts.

— 88. The short versions of “In A Gadda Da Vida” by Iron Butterfly and “Light my Fire” by The Doors should be permanently deep-sixed because the longer versions are so, so much better.

— 89. National Public Radio is great but fund drives are not. There has to be a better way.

— 90. A small Swiss Army knife with toothpick, tweezers, and scissors is the handiest thing you can carry.

— 91. Watering a plant is good. Flooding it can erode it. A little TV is good. Too much TV can erode your brain.

— 92. Growing older — as long as you keep learning and take care of yourself — can be a wonderful experience. Stay positive!

— 93. When you need a root canal, you need a root canal, and nothing else matters. Ouch.

— 94. If you don’t vote, don’t complain.

— 95. To avoid getting sick, try not to contact door knobs, gas-pump handles, or shopping carts with your bare hands and wash your hands often.

— 96. GPS is great for point to point, but maps are great for real understanding

— 97. Trying to find a balance between planning and spontaneity is key.

— 98. Read to a child. It’s the best thing you can do.

— 99. Getting out of bed when you don’t want to. It all starts with that.

— 100. Last but not least: Nothing is black or white; it’s all shades of gray. Learn to soften your heart, or “take a chill pill” as the young folks say, before you go off the deep end about something.

BONUS TIP – The toilet paper hangs over the roll, of course.