Pining for Proctors

As he faces 2,000 empty seats from the grand stage at Proctors, Frank L. Palmeri imagines what it would be like to entertain an audience there.
 

Every now and then I find myself standing on the stage at the beautiful and historic Proctors Theatre in Schenectady, facing 2,000 empty seats on two levels, imagining what it would be like to actually perform in front of a full house (being married to a professional musician has its perks).

How amazing it is to stand right where so many amazing performers have appeared. It is really humbling; I mean, how many of us could entertain a huge crowd for an evening? I’m pretty sure my guitar-playing, storytelling, and jokes would not pack ’em in, but it’s always nice to imagine doing just that when I find myself alone on that great stage, staring out at all those empty seats. It never hurts to dream.

Before COVID, we went to so many shows. How hard it has been these past 20 months, forgoing all kinds of public entertainment. Oh man, that’s been depressing for sure. What I wouldn’t give for a concert, an opera, or even a movie.

Let’s hope things get back to normal sooner rather than later. In the meantime, here are my top five events I’ve seen at Proctors over the years:

— You probably wouldn’t think an author would make this list, but when Tom Friedman from The New York Times came to Proctors, the house was sold out and he had us from the get-go. He’s written many books, including “The World is Flat,” which tells about the ramifications of having people in other countries willing to work for pennies on the dollar.

Nobody understands the big picture of global economics and what it means for us like Tom Friedman. When I left that show, I wondered why more great writers and thinkers don’t get invited to big halls like this. Great night, and I hope he comes back soon;

— Bryan Ferry of Roxy Music came to Proctors a couple of years ago. It was on a cold Tuesday night in November. I couldn’t get anyone to go with me so I went alone. Good thing I did: The place was packed and didn’t stop rocking for two hours straight. Unbelievable power and energy.

Roxy Music isn’t big in this country for some reason. Their only big hit here is “Love is the Drug,” but they are huge in Europe and the rest of the world. That night, many of the original band members were there, along with others who were just outstanding as well. Bryan did many Roxy Music classics, from the lyric ballad “Avalon” to the bring-the-house-down rocker “Both Ends Burning.”

If you were there that night, you know exactly what I’m talking about. That may have been the greatest concert I’ve ever been to;

— 3. You may have heard of Blue Man Group, since this iconic show plays all over the world. We saw it at Proctors and again in Boston. The best thing about BMG, similar to the all-time classic British TV show “Mr. Bean,” is that the humor is so transcendent and timeless you don’t even need to speak English to enjoy it.

I’m not going to reveal anything else about BMG because that would just spoil it for you. Trust me, if you’ve not yet seen the Blue Men and you get the chance, go for it. You will absolutely love it;

— 4. My daughter studied dance for many years. The highlight of this was always the end-of-year recital at Proctors. To see your kid up there doing all the moves and looking so beautiful; it don’t get any better than that. Imagine this: The curtain opens, revealing 30 toddlers in their little pink tutus, and the entire crowd, at the same time, goes “awwwwh.” That’s what it’s like.

One year, a poor little girl peed herself right up on stage, bawling so bad until someone came out and rescued her. It can’t be easy for toddlers to take all that pressure. Hey, if I found myself wearing a pink tutu in front of 2,000 people, I’d pee myself too, haha. Still, the dance recitals were always a tremendous show. I admire all the dancers and the teachers for working so hard to bring some joy and beauty into this world; and

— 5. When there is not COVID, Proctors holds a monthly noontime organ recital put on by the local theater organ group. This show is free and always fantastic. The Capital District is home to many world-class organists, including my lovely wife, Charlotte.

“Goldie,” the beautifully restored Wurlitzer organ, lives in the basement at Proctors and, when she majestically rises up to stage level, you know it’s going to be a good time. The theater organists always play a rollicking program consisting of standards, pop favorites, show tunes, and more on what is without doubt the world’s greatest instrument, the organ.

When you get to hear a well-played organ on full song, there is just nothing like it. As soon as COVID ends, I’m hoping these fantastic concerts will resume. I and many others I’m sure are just starving to hear “Goldie” ring out once again.

Finally, I have an idea for what I think would be a great show at Proctors. The famous author and raconteur Studs Terkel wrote a bestseller called “Working,” where he interviewed regular folks from all walks of life about their occupations.

The book was great because you got perceptive insight into what hard-working people, our friends and neighbors, do with their days. I find this kind of thing fascinating.

What’s it like to put on a roof in the dead of winter? Or to try to collect rent from someone who lost their job due to COVID? How does a massage therapist give a great massage at 4 p.m. when he or she’s been doing it all day and is flat-out exhausted?

So interesting, on so many levels. Maybe when I retire I’ll go down to Proctors and offer to host this kind of event. I’d call it, simply, “Conversations,” and just ask regular everyday people about their jobs, their hopes and dreams, what makes them happy, etc. Wouldn’t that be great? Who knows, maybe I’ll interview you!

We all can’t wait for COVID to be over so we can get back to normal life, including dining out without worrying and attending sporting events and shows. Let’s hope it won’t be too much longer. In the meantime, get vaccinated, get boosted, mask up, wash your hands often, and stay safe.