Ah, Valentine’s Day!

The rush is on for grabbing a card on the way home or even finding a dozen red roses! Hallmark Windfall Day!

But it is also a day to think about marriage, relationships, divorce, staying together, making it legal — that sort of thing. So —

Why get married?

— For women, the reproductive clock may be ticking;

— For men, it’s nice to have a reliable source of sex;

— Because everybody is pushing the couple towards marriage;

— Because the parents oppose it;

— Because you want a wedding;

— Because you’re tired of looking;

— Because he or she wants it.

What’s the attraction?

— She: his stability, predictability, rationality;

— He: her warmth, her excitability, her popularity, her meed for his advice, her looks.

What’s the problem?

— Once married she complains about his stubbornness, distancing, silences, football craze;

— He doesn’t like her “hysterics,” her too many friends, her demands for improvements in their living conditions (no dirty sox on the floor); her inquisitive mom.

What to do?

— Before you marry take a good look at his or her parents. Make no excuses, realize that they will be your children’s visitors, caretakers, critics, influences. Believe it or not, your partner will become like the parent!

— Consider a long waiting period so that “love at first sight” can morph into deep appreciation for who your partner really is.

Thrashing out problems:

— What role will religion play? Now? When there are kids?

— How to divide work and childcare? Traditionally or not?

— What is your partner’s view of the world — politics, animals, work ethics, money, grandparents’ roles, old friendships, freedom to — and 50 other issues (especially the wedding);

Good advice:

— Don’t marry a cruel person (she or he is not likely to change into a loving one);

— Do not get hung up on appearances — long eyelashes are sexy, but a good heart wins. So: he’s shorter than she, so she has a crippled hand So?

— If you realize that you’ve made the wrong choice: Jump, walk away, cancel, even if you’ve paid a down payment to the caterer. Of course there’ll be talk, but it’s your life!

And:

— Once married realize that courting days are gone (mostly) but that you and your partner can be on the road to a long, solid, loving, enviable real relationship. (Forget the 40-hour week!)

Editor’s note: Hedi McKinley, who lives in Altamont, is a psycho therapist with an office on Madison Avenue in Albany.