On the cusp of Christmas, OFs claim they don’t really need anything

Christmas is getting closer.  On Tuesday, Dec. 13, the Old Men of the Mountain met at the Country Café on Main Street in Schoharie.

A couple of OFs mentioned that, if they had a million dollars they didn’t know what to do with, they would use some of it to purchase the Parrott House and fix it up.The OFs mentioned, with the lights and decorations of the Country Café, to see the Parrott House all lit up too would be great. Done right, the OFs thought it could be like the Red Lion Inn in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, only a tad smaller.

The weather guys were at it again by making all the OFs believe that we were in for some snowfall and really bad weather. Some of the OFs did get some snow but nothing to write home about — most OFs just received a dusting. This dusting covered a considerable amount of geography and not just a few spots here and there.

“Work” a dirty word?

One OF mentioned to another OF that he thought that this one OF should go back to work. The other OF bristled and told the first OF to wash his mouth out with soap and not use that kind of language around him again.

It seems like the second OF has really latched on to this retirement bit and likes it. Other OFs like to work and keep on doing work of some kind.

The OF who took offense at being told about going back to work, works a ton and doesn’t know it.  He volunteers in the fire department, the ambulance squad, his church, and in many different capacities, so the OF is constantly busy — it just isn’t “work” work.


Most of the OFs shave, although there are a few with beards, and some don’t shave that often. One OF came to breakfast Tuesday morning and announced that he read that vinegar makes a great aftershave, so this morning he tried it. One thing he advised the rest of the OFs was, “Don’t try it because vinegar stings.”

An OF said, “Yes, and you go around all day smelling like a pickle, or a salad.”

“No, you don’t,” the first OF said. “Can you smell it on me now?”

The other OF leaned over and took a whiff of the OF’s cheek and, by golly, the OF could not detect any scent of vinegar.

The other OFs started talking about what they used and it ranged from astringent, to aftershave, to different kinds of lotions. The OFs were wondering when their beards went from hair to wire, and how hard they had to pull down on their cheeks, and stretch their necks out so they can hacksaw off all the hair (also now known as wire) in all those crevices.

The OFs complained that, in the commercials and on the packaging for razors and shaving cream, they show all those young bucks who only need soap to cut off that peach fuzz. How about something for us OFs that will at least straighten out the twisted wires protruding from our faces, so the beards will be soft enough so it is like hair again and the razors will cut it instead of pulling each individual hair out?

Pig: 1 - Car: 0

The next topic was deer (again) so this scribe is not going to touch on that much, but what happens when a car hits a pig? One OF said his brother hit a pig that was in the middle of the road and he did not expect to see it there.

The OF claimed the brother smacked the pig dead on. This was before seat belts and airbags so the impact was felt by the driver who thought he had hit a brick wall. The outcome was the car was totaled, and the pig walked away.

This does not seem correct.  Of course when the car hit the pig, that pig wasn’t fastened to the ground so it moved with the impact.  The result was Pig: 1 - Car: 0 as the pig ran off bruised and disgruntled.

Still shopping

The OFs are still shopping for Christmas and some will be at it until the 24th but the OFs say grandkids or even their kids must have a hard time shopping for them because the OFs claim they really don’t need anything.

Socks and underwear will do, or tickets to a show, or something special to eat, but stuff?  The OFs say they don’t need it. Some of the OFs say they are trying to get rid of stuff, and nobody seems to want it.

Plum Island mystery

A couple of OFs who sat across from this scribe were in the service at about the same time and in the same locale, plus they also lived there for quite awhile. They were talking about an island off Long Island called Plum Island.

According to the OFs, this island is a United States federal research facility dedicated to the study of animal diseases and we really don’t want to know what goes on there.

Under the knife

One OF who should have been at the breakfast but wasn’t had a very good explanation so he would be excused rather easily when the board meets to reprimand those OFs who miss breakfast for no good reason.

This OF was going under the knife to have a hip replaced at the same time the rest of the OFs were putting a fork full of over-easy eggs to their mouths at breakfast in the Country Café.

The thoughts and prayers of the OFs are with this OF and also with the doctors doing the surgery.  We pray that everything turns out OK and he is back at the table soon with the rest of this bionic clan.

Those OFs that made it to the Country Café in Schoharie through the snow (?) were: Roger Shafer, Roger Chapman, John Rossmann, Harold Guest, Robie Osterman, George Washburn, Dave Williams, Otis Lawyer, Mark Traver, Ray Frank, Chuck Aelesio, Wayne Gaul, Ted Feurer, Bob Benninger, Bob Fink, Lou Schenck, Mace Porter, Jack Norray, Gerry Irwin, Warren Willsey, Ted Willsey, Marty Herzog, Mike Willsey, Gerry Chartier, Russ Pokorny, Elwood Vanderbilt, Rich Vanderbilt, Harold Grippen, and me.