Tolmie mourned
Free spirit who lived life on the edge



ALTAMONT — A dull gray sky spit rain on Fredendall Funeral Home Friday morning. Inside, somber rows of mourners hugged each other and wept.

The most vibrant thing in the packed room was the rakish smile on the boy in the framed picture in front.

He was Alexander Edgar Tolmie. He had died on Aug. 21 of injuries he received after the motorcycle he was riding crashed. He was 19.
"It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It’s the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance," sang the recorded music at the start of the funeral. "It’s the one who won’t be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live."

Each of those who spoke at Alex’s funeral attested to the way he had lived his short life to the fullest.
"In every respect, Alex was a free spirit," said Sister Mary Lou Liptak, a nun who presided over the ceremony. "Fun, friends, work play...In just a few 19 years, he had it all.
"He enjoyed life — fishing, hiking, and even winning the first prize for eating 23 slushies at the camp store," she said as a faint ripple of laughter showed the mourners agreed.
"That’s living life to the fullest," Sister Mary Lou went on. "He wasn’t afraid to risk."

She said Alex was a Life Scout. The 2004 graduate of Guilderland High School had completed a certificate in auto mechanics at Hudson Valley Community College and worked as a mechanic at Northeast Accura in Latham.

He excelled in BMX biking, said Sister Mary Lou.
"Perhaps he knew in some way his life would be short...Alex tried to do it all in such a short time," she said. "Our love for Alex will be our strength in lifting us up in the days ahead...Let us not forget his fun-loving spirit...Let us share his stories."
She concluded, "If Alex could give us a message today, it would be: Live richly, live fully, live abundantly. Life is short."

"Thank you for my son"
Alex’s father, Edgar Tolmie, stepped to the lectern next. Taking off his glasses, he quietly offered a prayer: "God...Thank you for my son, Alex."

He prayed on behalf of his wife, Susan, and his sons, Zach and Abe, and family and friends.
He spoke with great care, softly, so softly, pausing between the phrases: "Please love my son gently and help us...Amen," he said.

After a long and reverent silence, Patti Percoski, who knew Alex since he was a child, spoke. He had enjoyed tormenting her daughter in school, she quipped.

She described some things that had puzzled her on Alex’s website.
"I love hiking, camping, BMXing...I’m interesting and I’m fun...Some call me an asshole. Some call me adorable," she reported it said. "I like video games. I like women. I like cars a lot."

Percoski knew for sure it was Alex’s website when she came to the part that described his heroes. The first was Johnny Depp, of course, she reported. Then, her voice cracked with emotion as she reported it listed these heroes in bold print: My Mom, my Dad, my brothers.

A young man wearing a dark suit spoke next, describing himself as a customer of Alex. As Alex served him pizza, they would talk.
"He always had plans, goals. I admired that," he said. He ended with "a salutation we had in the shop," he said.

Forming his right hand into a fist, he pounded it soundly over his heart — twice.

"Good times"

Matt Vicalvi said he had known Alex since pre-school; the two boys grew up together.
"Me and Alex were inseparable," he said.
He went on to describe a hiking trip he had taken with Alex. "At the time...I couldn’t comprehend walking up, leaning forward," he said.
He paused a long time, overcome with emotion. "We stuck it out," he said, his voice trailing off.

Edgar Tolmie, Alex’s father, stepped to the front and put his arm around his son’s friend, comforting him.
Alex’s father took up the story where his friend had left off. "We were hiking up a hill," he explained. "Matt tried to walk up the hill like this," he said, leaning back in an exaggerated posture. "I stayed behind Matt and leaned against him."

The story told, the two men hugged each other

Then a woman who had been gently rocking a child in her lap, wiped her tears and spoke next. She described living in an apartment house as a young mother and spotting another young mother — Susan Tolmie.
"I was kind of lonely...I wanted to get to know her," she recalled.
One day, at the playground she heard this comment: "Hey, Mom, look at the big kid; he’s wearing a diaper."

Their sons became fast friends and spent many happy times together, she said.
"Those were good times," she concluded. "Those were the times I’ll try to remember the most."

"A wonderful madness"
Last to speak was a Boy Scout leader, William Root, looking crisp in his khaki uniform. He recalled taking his son to Scout meetings and seeing Alex: "There was this kid in a sort of a uniform on his bike, bouncing around on his back tire...All the kids were just watching with their mouths open."
He remembered that beneath Alex’s cut-offs, "all he had was scars on his legs."

A number of young Boy Scouts honored Alex after the service in a ceremony outside the funeral home as doves were released, soaring skyward.
The Scoutmaster at the lectern went on, "Alex didn’t seem to fit in. He was already teaching me how to widen my horizons...I was thinking, Scouts are regimented, they wear uniforms and are on time."
Not Alex. But, Mr. Root went on, "He was a superlative....He was always in there for the food collections and other things. He was always dragging along another kid."
On camping trips, said the leader, "He was out there sledding on a jacket, making do."
He concluded, "It was a wonderful madness. I don’t know how else to describe it...He taught me to think outside the box...Here’s to you, Alex."