ALTAMONT — There’s someone for everything at The Altamont Fair.

Sure some events, some food, and some rides are more popular than others, but no event goes unwitnessed, no food untried, and no ride unridden.  Which is good, because judging from the all the out-of-state license plates (Florida plates predominate) in the parking area that’s reserved for out-of-town fair vendors and show people, the folks who bring you all this have travelled some pretty far distances to do so.

Then, of course, there are all the local folks who take seriously their roles in the more agricultural regions of the fair, where prize animals vie for ribbons and age-old-arts endure. That’s the quieter and more decorous part of the fair.

But if you want to enter the Fair amid a blaze of color, a din of hawkers, and a cacophony of amplified Top 40 tunes, then hit the Amusement Midway first.

Does your home suffer from a deficit of overly large stuffed animals? Is you collection lacking Pooh Bear? Or a panda? You’ve come to the right place! Step right up and try your hand at one of the countless novelty games  that ingeniously invite you to demonstrate skills you never knew you had (or, to demonstrate you don’t have them after all and never will, but good try!).

There’s the classic ring-around-a-bottle toss, of course. The balloon-popping game (a good choice for folks who want something easy). Some newer-fangled games like the Wacky Wizard. And then there’s the delicate art of lifting a recumbent Corona beer bottle to a standing position, using a fishing-pole-like instrument in just the right way.

On Opening Day, Aaron Krever was manning the array of wizards. “It’s a game of skill, “he says, “so everybody enjoys it.”

The idea is to use a kind of wand to move a ring down a spiral without touching the spiral. Not so easy.  You need that magic touch. Like a lot of concession workers, Krever — and the Wizards — will be moving on from here to the New York State Fair in Syracuse.

A little way down the Midway, a young woman who identified herself as Corey, was broadcasting an instructive spiel as she demonstrated  how to raise a beer bottle to a standing position by — let’s just say it’s not easy.

“We use Corona bottles,” she said. “They’re heavier.”  From the player’s point of view, heavier is better, stability is good.

Corey, who is 22, has been on the road since October, when she left her Riverside, California home to see more of the world. She traveled for a while on her own and then got the gig with the amusements company that provides the fair’s games.

“Now I’m traveling and making money at the same time, “ she said.

“The game’s not hard,” she said, “ if you pay attention and listen to the instructions.” Corey might make a good teacher some day.

The concession workers are a blend of seasoned veterans — some slightly jaded — and fresh-faced newbies like Corey.

Over at the Ring-a-Bottle Game, Delilah Ford from Montana has been on the job, one she clearly enjoys, for about seven months. Her friend Bryson back home home advised her to do the modern- day equivalent of running away and joining the circus.

She stood with her co-worker Evelyn Potsdam beneath a dangling menagerie of giant stuffed animals, discussing the finer points of the game while waiting for some players to show up.

“You’ve  got to throw it nice and lightly,” Potsdam advised. “Women do better than men at it.”

“But children do the best,” said Ford.

Ford has spotted trends in prize-selection among lucky winners. “Pooh Bear is definitely number one,” she said.  Pandas and huskies take the silver and bronze.

“People hate the raccoons,” chimed in Potsdam. “I think it must be their small beady eyes.”

OK, maybe you’ve had a winning streak and you now have a Pooh Bear under one arm and a Panda under the other.  Enjoy the envious and admiring glances of passers-by. Contemplate stowing them back in your parked car before you move on to….

The Circus Museum! This venerable and splendid collection of circus antiques and memorabilia is not precisely overrun with visitors on the highly humid first afternoon of the fair. But if you are a person who loves circuses, or who loves to see the past preserved, or who relishes the sight of very very scary clown faces — then you are the somebody for this long-running Fair attraction. Don’t miss the giant effigies of P.T Barnun and James Anthony Bailey.  They’re looking a bit worn, but they’re still something to look up to.

Nearby you will come upon the perfect place to pause for refueling. The stand operated by the 4-H clubs of Albany County is staffed exclusively by fresh-faced young ladies of high school age who will be happy to serve you a wicked-good milkshake: chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry. Ahhhh! Four dollars well spent. And for a good cause, too.

A little way further on, 4-H summer intern Rachel Lee of Vorheesville, describes how 4-H isn’t just rural any more. It offers all kinds of good-sounding programs for urban young people, too.

She’s set up her information booth outside the poultry barn. Enter the barn to be impressed by the endless rows of caged  birds of every description. They seem awfully quiet, but then it is 4 p.m. on a summer afternoon. Blue-ribbon awards of excellence bedeck a cage containing some fine-looking Delawares, awarded in the 4-H judging earlier, to Lee Ann Doolin of Berne.  

Turns out her brother, David, further down the row, was awarded the highest award, Reserve Champion, for his Brown Leghorn. It would seem the Doolin kids — there are five, says the 4-H summer intern, all of them with entries — know a thing or two about raising good-looking birds.

A grandstand show — postponed until now because of earlier rain — is about to begin: The Pirates of the Colombian Caribbean! Host pirate Walter Murcia appears on the forecastle to welcome the expectant crowd.

He fishes a skull from the imaginary waters below. Shiver me timbers! He spies a lovely mermaid (played by Senora Murcia), lounging on rocks below. Tarzan-style, he travels to her.  

He helps her transform into a two-legged creature so she can join him on the rigging above, where “bad” pirates threaten to steal the treasure map, treasure and mermaid! Aerial swordplay ensues. The crowd eats it up.

In the distance, one of the fair’s more gentle rides — two wooden vessels flying pirate flags lazily swing cradle-like back and forth at a nice easy pace. It looks relaxing, even nap-producing. And isn’t it about time for a nap anyway?